HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!...well 36 more minutes and it will be for me. I am sitting at home, on the computer blogging. I'm spending a nice and quiet new years at home. It doesn't feel as lame as I thought it would be. For the last 30 minutes of 2005 I am going to put the clean sheets on the bed in the guest room. I'm such a party animal!!!

so i've had an ok couple of days. been busy working on the house, shopping, etc etc. i bought alot actually:
1. vacuum cleaner $60, 2 bras $30, GC ended up paying only $20 bucks
2. hp printer(on backorder boooo): $30 after rebate
3. liz claiborne purse at zappos.com: $60 with $20 coupon only $40
4. underwear 5/$25, tube top $15, blouse $19 at victorias secret: ~$75 after GC $5!
5. long sleeve T at target $9

after all that i only ended up spending around 100 for all of that. awesome.

i was cleaning out my room. and why oh why do i always have to get nostalgic when i do that. usually i welcome the nostalgia, but today it just made me sad. i've been missing him lately; not because i want to get back together with him, but because i can't. does that make any sense? maybe someday it could happen, but there are no guarantees in life, and who knows if the people we become will want to have a relationship with each other. there are people getting married all around me. i know of 5 couples that are going to get married within the next two years. not that i'm saying i want to get married right now. it's just...shouldn't i at least be close? those are just the random thoughts that go through my head while i sift through all my junk.

wee! just joined netflix. these next 2 weeks are gonna be great! yeah i'm lame but i don't care what you think!

PICTURES!

How cute is my Goddaughter? She's almost 3 years old and can work a room with her cuteness.

This is her 8 month old brother, equally as cute but a little more subdued. His interests include chewing on paper, leather and anything he can get his hands on.

Novette, Karissa and I on Christmas Eve.

Mi familia: Mom, Matess and I

yeah it's 3am. yeah i'm still up. yeah i just got home. no idea why i'm online, but i am. i think it was the coffee.

anyway, i drove SO MUCH today. it was the equivalent of driving to san diego and back. how fun is that? i survived, and so did my precious car. poor thing.

now i am just rambling. these are things i would tell a bf if i had one. this is probably why i don't have a bf b/c this is the random shit i would talk about when i called him to say good night. lol

family time was good tonight. reminisced with my cousins. hung out. ate. ok seriously this is sad rambling so i'm gonna stop typing. OH cool thing tonight. I was driving home and looking at the moon...and then I hit this fog and the moon disappeared. I dunno, I never witnessed that before and I don't know why I think it's so cool now but it was. Ok i'm gonna stop seriously....

Happy Christmas Eve Eve! I'm FINALLY done with everything Christmas. Gifts are wrapped and ready to be doled out. It sux no one is online cuz they've all gone home for Christmas hehe. I have a lot of cleaning anyway....and laundry. Procrastinating is bad people.

So, the red head came and dropped by gifts that his mom got me and a ticket to the Kings game on Monday! I finally get to wear MY OWN King's Jersey to the game! yay. I kinda felt bad because I didn't get his family ANYTHING and his mom got me TONS of stuff: 2 knit blouses, 2 pairs of gloves, a scarf, fuzzy socks, 2 lip gloss key chains, and a Victoria's Secret gift card. It was insane! Oh and the Kings ticket. And all I got them was an e-card. Not even a REAL card, an e-card. But but we're broken up. I'm not SUPPOSED to get them anything. I'm trying to set boundaries. I mean old Christina would have TOTALLY gotten them something. But at this point I really can't do that for various reasons you know?

I'm excited for tomorrow. In the morning we're gonna go see my cousin in Glendale and her kids. And then I get to play with them alll day until my aunt's party in Granada Hills. :) Christmas Day will be spent in Glendale at my OTHER aunt's house.

Merry Christmas to all!

I'm so proud of myself hehe. Humor me while I brag about my handyman skillz.

SO, my mom added more lights on the house this past weekend. But, she managed to "break" the main lights I put up. They just wouldn't light. She transferred the lights on the bushes(which she added) to another outlet, and the lights on the house STILL wouldn't light. Mind you I invested a lot of time and effort in buying the new lights and putting them up. So I'll be damned if I invested all that and have it not be lit on Christmas.

I first tested the outlet the lights were plugged into. That worked. So that meant (thank God) that I didn't have to go through each lightbulb to see if that was the defective lightbulb. In the extra lightbult bag that came with the light were fuses. I was like hmm they have fuses?? So instead of trying to figure out how to open the plug which was attached to the house already, I did it with some lights we had in the garage. It was easy enough and I replaced the fuse that was blown and WOOPIE...there was light! I'm awesome.

so i saw this girl today that i hadn't seen in a long time. and she gained so much weight! totally noticeable. it totally weirded me out. i mean it cant' be that much weight but enough to be obvious u know? i wonder if that will ever happen to me.

i think i have stomach issues. i've been having tummy aches. it could be that i eat too much or don't drink enough. ohhhh well.

p.s. i love my car

i think i'm coming down from my high with the new car. felt kind of sad today. starting missing the boy for some reason. but then i had this dream about him that made me mad, so now i still miss the boy but remember why i shouldn't be with him. oh baby steps.

Here's some pictures of my new car :) I named her Hedwig...yeah yeah yeah i know she's black, but thats' her name ok?

What a blog-worthy day!! :) Today is a happy albeit stressful day.

I BOUGHT MY CAR! FINALLY! I finally have a Civic to call my own for the New Year. I'm very proud of myself because I went to the dealership all by my lonesome and did pretty good at talking down the price of the car and the price of the extended warranty. I walked away feeling like I got a good deal...I hope I didn't get jipped hehe. Then I didn't need a cosigner for my financing so the car is allll mine.

How cool is my car? The CD player plays MP3s, there's this thing on my radio where if you press this button "a. select" it will program your radio stations to the stations that have the best reception. So if you're driving through Utah, you can just press that button and get radio stations instead of browsing through the whole thing. Plus, my car is just so pretty. :) So very pretty.

Then I went to church with my mom for Simbang Gabi(Midnight Mass) which is a tradition in the Philippines...but the mass was actually at 730. So I was starving by this time cuz I skipped dinner(I was at the dealer from 230-630). And to my surprise THEY HAD FREE FOOD! I didn't overeat either so that was another plus. They had powdered brownies. YUM. And now I'm home. I just cleaned the car, cuz I had all my crap from the Accord thrown where-ever in there.

So yay, that was my day!

Hallelujiah!! My mom FINALLY started cleaning. It's amazing how much work she got done in the last couple of days. Good thing too cuz my friend is going to be staying with us as of january.

Today I got a facial in Alhambra....which was totally ruined by the 2 hours of traffic I had to sit through to get home. Sigh. It was fun while it lasted.

Looking forward to this weekend. It's my friend Steph's bday and we're going to Rock Bottom then whatever bar calls our way.

I'm almost done with Christmas shopping for the "kids" of the family. 3 more I have to figure out.

Me and one of the best Rieslings I've ever tasted! Yum.

This is the car I'm getting, hopefully sometime this week!!

ok ok. so i'll post something that's not depressing.

this weekend was my friend sheila's holiday cocktail party. it was cool. i came early and we got our makeup done. i probably spent too much money on the makeup but i never had it done before and it made me feel good. :) then we picked up the food from whole foods. she got these mozzarella, basil and tomato crestini thing...YUMMMMMM.

my dress was very "ahem" low cut and it's funny to see how guys react to this. i got a lot of "thank you's". i mean if some guy was wearing his shirt open or his ass out, i don't think i'd say thank you. guys are weird.

my friend's ex bf bought her this riesling: johann falkenburg...it was soo good. better than chataeu st. michelle. yum. but i can't find anywhere to buy it. i had like 3 glasses of that. i think i could have finished the whole magnum bottle. then we played checkers w/ shots of wine. the wine was wack. *shiver*

we slept in until 1030 the next day and ate brunch at the long beach museum of art. good times.

then i got in a stupid fight with my mom which spiraled me into a depressed mood for the rest of the day. yay.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

anyone ever feel like quitting life. noooo not TAKING their life...but just quitting. just restarting it all over and starting new. wish i could just restart sometimes. i wonder if i'd be happier. i guess my WHOLE life isn't crap. i just feel like i screwed up some aspects of it and well, i don't like screwing up. can i just crumple up the piece of paper and start drawing a new picture? i just feel like i could have done things differently. and i know it's not all my fault b/c he could have done things differently too. whatever i just don't feel like dealing with feelings right now...so i'll continue to be numb.

p.s. this is me just venting, don't go feeling sad or sorry for me. i'll be fine

I love the show Everwood on, yes, the WB. And not because it super realistic, but because it's so completely idealistic, romantic, tragic, UNrealistic and filled with angst of all kinds. I like rooting for all the characters and all the crap that goes wrong in their lives. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling which I'm in dire need of these days. Just thought I'd share.

Other thoughts: 1. I want to watch Memoirs of a Geisha 2. Anyone hear about "Brokeback Mountain" with Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal? Read an article on it written by a gay film critic I think, it was "the straight man's guide to brokeback mountain." I can't find the article again, but it was funny 3. I hate that LOST is on hiatus for 6 weeks!

i feel like my personal life is on a downward spiral. oh i'm sure i'm being overdramatic and pessimistic but i don't care. thank goodness i like what i do for a living and find it fulfilling.

things i'm bitching about
1. my internet is fucked up again
2. i'm alone...can't be with the one that i love because we don't work/make each other happy...not ready to find someone else...which doesn't really help my loneliness does it?
3. don't feel really good about myself...just personally...don't really know who i am at this point....trying to find out, but it will take a while. i disappoint myself constantly b/c i bottle things up inside and then i blow up for no reason at all. i wish i was braver.
4. i'm impatient and only time can help me...how ironic is that?
5. i am not happy with my home life. my mother is irritating the shit out of me...i love her cuz she's my mom, but she's a child. and her scolding me for things she doesn't even do makes me want to scream. AND i know she won't/can't change because this is who she is. it's just a little harder to accept it if it's staring you in the face ALL THE TIME.
6. i hate not having an income. i feel useless/hopeless because i can't fix any of my financial problems.
7. i constantly feel stupid at work...but this isn't so bad b/c i'm only a 3rd year med student so i have about the rest of my life left to feel stupid because.....doctors are 'life long learners'
8. wow i've run out of things to bitch about......

things i'm thankful for/looking forward to
1. i think i actually picked the right profession and i'm happy about that. just have to figure out a specialty
2. my friends...they know who they are. thanks for all the support
3. my cousin Novette...always there for me...can always cheer me up somehow.
4. my sister...she can be a pain but she give me the hugs i need
5. and as much as i bitch about her, my mom...and dad. i'm thankful i have them and they support me.
6. chronicles of narnia....and i just found out they made a new version of charlotte's web which comes out in 2006
7. getting a new car.....

i've watched a whole season's worth of six feet under in like 4 days. maybe it's comforting to me to watch fictional characters' f*ed up lives to make my life seem ok. not that my life is even that bad. i just feel like i'm just here. not happy, not sad. just here. it's really a strange feeling. i'm gonna try to write in this more. we'll see how that goes. :)