My Left Foot

It all began one afternoon at home in 2003. I was running to the garage for some reason and I slipped on our tile and jammed my left big toe into the wall. After cursing and fighting back the tears I moved on. During the next few weeks my toenail started looking and feeling weirder. Two days before I started medical school I was cleaning my new apartment and jammed my left big toe AGAIN into the vaccuum. This time because of the previous trauma it uprooted the nail. Great. I wrapped my half attached toenail with tissue and tape, made my way to Kaiser and had it removed. Problem solved? NOPE.

Three years later my toenail was ingrown, painful and infected. I had been to the doctor twice for the problem. Both told me they didn't think it was an infection and it was just from the trauma. And neither wanted to prescribe oral antifungals for some reason. I finally got a referral to a podiatrist who suggested that we either leave it alone and continue the home remedies(soaking in water/bleach), extract the toenail again and see how it grows back, or extract the toenail and make it so it never grows back. I tried option number one for a few months but the toe just got so painful. So I scheduled a toenail extraction for my left foot on October 17.

October 7th was my cousin Grace's wedding. I was in the bridal party, as was my other cousin Novette.
We were taking piictures before the ceremony. The last set of pictures were to be taken with the golf carts. Like this:


Since the bridesmaids got there first, we had to drive the golf carts to the site. In order to get to the site however, we had to hop a sidewalk onto the street and hop the sidewalk to get back onto the green. I watched as the bride and her maid of honor successfully made it across. It didn't seem so hard.


So I took the wheel

with Novette next to me and followed their path. As we reached the green I heard cries of "No!" and "Watch out!." Before I knew it the whole golf cart was toppling over into this ditch. Miraculously, we escaped dresses unstained, hair and makeup intact except for some water on our dresses and some injuries on our---you guessed it left feet. We both had some abrasions and bruising, but Novette's foot was by far the worst. We were able to walk down the isle and party
it up.

By the next day Novette's foot had swelled up and she was unable to walk.

Fortunately, neither of us had fractured our left feet. The radiologist I was working with was nice enough to provide these lovely x-rays of my left foot.

Novette has to wear a brace to immobilize her foot in addition to keeping it elevated.

On October 17th, I had my surgery to get my left big toenail removed. It hurt like hell because the local anesthetic hadn't fully taken effect but I'm glad it's out. They gave me good aftercare instructions so hopefully my nail will grow back normal. But for now I gotta keep my left foot elevated. :)

(Who knew I could write so much about my left foot huh?)

The reason for my trip to Philadelphia was the clincial portion of my Step 2 Boards.  I arrived in the city around 7am after a red-eye flight during which I had trouble sleeping.  My old roommate Amy was going to meet me later on in the day.  We stayed at the Travelodge in Center City.

Unfortunately the hotel room wasn't ready when I got there so I had hours to kill.  Double unfortunately my phone was not working.  It was on permanent roaming which would have been fine but it wasn't connecting at all.  So I decided to wander around the city visiting the old familiar places, which I came to find out were not so familiar anymore, while also looking for a Sprint store.

First stop was my favorite streets/alleys in the city.   It sits right across the street from.....a car wash

After that I headed towards my old apartment when I passed the corner market that is now....a Quiznos? 

Then I see my old apartment which used to sit above a Cash Today store which I also used to work at.  Turns out Cash Today bought the whole building, taking out St. Georges bar downstairs and knocking the building down next to it.

That's my old room on the third floor in the middle picture.  It's good to know that some things don't change tho:

 Good old Jakes Pizza

 Chinese Food Cart!!!!  Lemon Chicken please.

 Green Village Market next to Olgas Pizza(1.25 for a slice!

 And last but not least the cart on 15th street that serves THE BEST meatball sub for 2 bucks!

I then passed by the LOVE sign and the fountain which was PINK! for breast cancer awareness. 

At around 9am I finally got to Liberty Place Shops which has a Sprint Store in it, but it was closed til 930.  So I decided to study in the rotunda and hang out with my ipod.

 (view as i look up from studying).  As I studied I decided to look through my pictures.  My camera then flashes..."error with memory card" and then "no images."  NOOOOO.  Luckily I had brought my Dell Pocket PC which had a compatible memory card.  SAVED!

The Sprint Store finally opened, but it didn't matter because my phone started working. Yay!  My spirits brightened I bopped my way to Rittenhouse Square in search of a Cosi and a perfectly heated mint mocha.

I found a Cosi, however, they ran out of mint and I burned my tongue.  Ha!

Luckily my ipod was there to keep me company.  After I finished my coffee, I shopped at the H&M I found across the street and another store I can't remember.  I ventured into the park and people watched.  I REALLY just wanted to sleep.  I called the hotel and the lady told me yet again that the room was not ready.  Sad.  But, again, my ipod was there to comfort me...in addition to the random bird.

When Amy arrived at around noon, our room still wasn't available.  We ate lunch at Reading Terminal where I ate the meatball sub I had bought earlier.  Afterwards we got green tea boba from the chinese bakery.  Our friend Wylie met up with us there.  Dinner was held at Penang's where I ate MANGO TOFU!  yum.

The next day Amy and I had Pho and bbq pork at the Vietnam Restaurant and headed to this little thing called CPE Step 2 of the boards.  That went well I think.  Nothing really much to say since they prohibit me from discussing the exam with others haha.  Afterwards we met Wylie at Westy's for Karaoke and Wings!

And even tho I only got a slight buzz, the best part was that our bill only came out to $50.50!  Four beers, 3 black russians, 2 shots of buttery nipples, 2 jagger shots, 2 captain and cokes, one vodka tonic and an order of wings!  Awesome.

The next morning I headed out at 6:30am to fly to Detroit for my cousins wedding.  It was raining and I was tired....but luckily I had my trusty ipod.  :)

(O) Wicked (Schwartz, 2003) Grade: A+

Wicked: It's the new "RENT". Well, for me anyway. I haven't seen it yet because the Orange County Performing Arts Center sucks, but that's another story. I bought the CD for my cousin on her birthday since I couldn't take her to the actual musical. I burned a copy for myself and listened to it on the way home from SD and....I fell in love with it! The music has a pop feel to it and the story line(from what I can decipher) is pretty interesting.

Here's the synopsis from the website(sorry i'm lazy):

Long before Dorothy dropped in, two other girls meet in the Land of Oz. One, born with emerald-green skin, is smart, fiery and misunderstood. The other is beautiful, ambitious and very popular. How these two unlikely friends end up as the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda the Good Witch makes for the most spellbinding new musical in years.

WICKED, the untold story of the witches of Oz, features music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz (Godspell, Pippin, Academy Award winner for Pocahontas and The Prince of Egypt) and book by Winnie Holzman ("My So Called Life," "Once And Again" and "thirtysomething"), and is based on the best-selling novel by Gregory Maguire. With musical staging by Tony Award winner Wayne Cilento (Aida, The Who's Tommy, How To Succeed...), WICKED is directed by 2003 and 2004 Tony Award winner Joe Mantello (Assassins, Take Me Out, Frankie & Johnny in the Clair de Lune)

So....I'm gonna get that book since the musical isn't playing here in the near future.

___________________________________________________________________

On that same note, I was browsing through YouTube looking for clips of the musical, when I discovered that people have way too much time on their hands. WAY TOO MUCH TIME! Here is a video clip of the song "What is this feeling?(Loathing)" from Wicked, the musical with 80's action figures playing the characters. She-ra plays Glinda who will become the Good Witch and Evilyn plays Elpheba who becomes the Wicked Witch of the West. Enjoy!

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It's 10:00 pm on a Saturday night and it's 100 degrees outside. It hit 113 earlier. Don't you just love the IE in the summertime.

so i wanted to instill some creativity into my life that's been conveniently sucked out by medical school and decided to write a song. my brother writes really good music so i wrote the lyrics and asked him to write the music to it. he just sang it to me over the phone and it's a surreal feeling to hear words you wrote to music. you hear it differently and the meaning changes but that's what's cool about it. it can mean anything to anyone. and even though people might not get its original meaning, as far as what it meant to me, it's still keeps the bottom line, you know? it's carazy!

AWOOOHOOOO. I'm awesome. My sister messed up my computer somehow, so I had to figure out how to fix it. The computer would just restart over and over and over again. It wouldn't even go into safe mode. I called up my dad and he suggested that I get new memory.

The next day I bought some memory, a PC2100, but it was 266 MHz and my memory is a 133 MHz. I didn't think it would matter so I tried that. I started trying to reinstall Windows XP. It failed like three times. I had to switch memory, switch slots...nothing worked. Then....it just died. I couldn't turn it on. Nothing. I needed a new power supply.

The next day after that I bought a power supply at Circuit City. I got home....and....IT DIDN'T FIT. It was too big for my tower. I knew this but I didn't think it would be SUCH a pain in the ass to try and figure out how to get it in there.

I started taking apart the tower. I unscrewed every screw, took out everything that I could and I still couldn't get it in there. Then I thought, hey I better test it out if this will work and fix my problem. It worked....I could turn on my computer, but it didn't fix my problem. I had to look online for random solutions and try each one til I got the right solution. I WAS SO HAPPY!!!!!

Is that the end? NO.

I still had to figure out how to get the power supply to fit into my tower. So I took the whole thing apart. I took out the motherboard and STUFFED the power supply in there, pushed the DVD and CD player forward and it finally worked out. HALLLELUIA!!!! Here are some pictures of the fruits of my 3 day hell.

Here is the finished product with everything cramped in the small ass HP tower.

I took apart the face and was able to just put the grey part on the tower so it doesn't look that retarded. But OH what's that I see? Is that a Windows desktop?? HELL YEAH!

*Pat on the back to me*

scarier still, I just registered for classes next year and they asked me about graduation stuff like how to phonetically say my name (Ma-ree-a Kris-tee-na Lim Toe-len-tee-no), my height for my gown and previous degrees i've gotten for the commencement program. eek!

Random Thoughts

This weekend was my uncle's graduation. He went back to school after serving in the U.S. Navy since he was 18. I was so proud of him.

Being at the graduation, I came to the realization that in one year I'll be wearing that gown and going up on that stage and getting my degree. It scared the begeezus out of me. Pretty crazy that in one year I'll be done.

I started my IM rotation at Arrowhead today. It doesn't seem like it's going to be that bad. I'll be Q4(on call every fourth night, which includes staying from 630am to 12pm the next day), but I think I can handle it. My team seems competent. Wish me luck!

Well, things are definitely better this week. I decided to change the way I approached this rotation and it's actually working. I'm having a little bit more fun and I think I look more confident. As far as the other things in my life, still the same old stuff, but I'm coping better.

Here's something disturbing

http://www.westislandchronicle.com/pages/article.php?noArticle=6063

Watching: Top Model
Looking forward to: LOST in one hour!

Ok. So today I woke up and thought, "Hey, I feel good today. Maybe I'll start feeling better from now on." I get home and got some work done. My sister and I are watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and I start tearing up at the most randomest parts. And, of course, I cried at the end. When I tried to let it all out...nothing came. So freaking weird. Now I'm just blah all over again and have no desire to do anything. Way to go, Harry Potter. Geez.

P.S. I have an idea why I got all emotional but I think it's stupid that my subconcious is doing this to me. It was the last movie I watched with him. How retarded is that!?!?!

Random thought of the day...Kids at Starbucks

On numerous occasions I have been at Starbucks and have seen "kids" take over the whole place. One was in Claremont and the other one near my house. It's usually around 230 when they all get out of school. I kid you not, there is a line TO THE DOOR with 6th graders clutching their 1's eagerly like ladies at a strip club. They order these Venti Mocha Frapuccino's loaded with whipped cream. Now don't get me wrong, I love Starbucks. But I couldn't help but wonder what kind of repercussions these kids are going to experience by drinking coffee loaded with sugar and fat at such an early age. And not just starting at an early age, but they are probably drinking this EVERYDAY. It's like "the hang out" because going to a Starbucks makes them feel "grown up." Diabetes, hypertension....those are the only two I could think of, but that's pretty bad.

Maybe Starbucks really is evil....

i don't like feeling this way...

ok maybe God is just trying to freak me out then haha. i think he's up there laughing and going "SIKE!!!" is that how you spell it? i think it's "psych" but that looks weird too. whatever.

i'm home not doing a damn thing. thinking about studying, but really wanting to just veg the night away. it feels like a veg night. we'll see what happens.

God must be testing me. But I'm not really in the place to be passing any of these moral tests right now. Blah!

Spring Break

When you're a medical student on rotations, you dont' really have time to get all your errands done. Now that I'm on spring break I have the opportunity to get all these things done. Unfortunately, I didn't realize just what kind of punishment I was getting myself into.

Friday into Saturday morning: I did laundry. All night laundry. Woo...hoo. I had like 6 loads to do. I kid you not. The rest of Saturday was relaxing. I went grocery shopping and rented a couple of movies to watch with my sister.

Monday: I had my appointment with my rotations coordinator to schedule my first semester rotations for fourth year. Then I decided to get my blood drawn....ouch, but for a good cause.

Tuesday: I had a dentist appointment for a cleaning. When the dentist asked me if anything was bothering me, I told him about my molar that hurts occasionally. Big mistake. He said my filling had chipped and I would have to get it redone...that day. So I had to get the local anesthetic while he drilled my tooth like no other. FUN!

Afterwards I had to get my PPD placed so I could get it read on Friday at my doctor's appointment. Another ouchie. After all that I had two needle marks on my left hand, which seriously made it look like I was a drugie hehe.















When I got home my mom had made all this good food!! But half my mouth was numb so I coudln't really enjoy the food for fear that I might accidentally bite my cheek off or have it dribble down my chin. So sad. Not to mention I looked like a retard.

This is me......













Trying to do this....














Trying to whistle...















More of spring break later. This is all for now....

the best way to feel better about something is to admit it right? I figured out two things that are bothering me:
1. I've lost a really good friend and really doubt we could ever really be "friends" again
2. I need a creative outlet.

Being that I cried after I wrote #1...I think that's what it is. Oh breakthroughs.

it's that time again ladies and gentlemen. time for me to blog....about how pathetic i feel hehe. i think i've moved into the desperate and vulnerable state of my journey to "happiness." it's not a nice place to be. doesn't really make you feel good about yourself either. what's really wack is now i feel like i'm looking for a man to make me happy, when i should be happy with myself. but what if i'm happy about everything else except for that? maybe i'm not happy with it all. but WHY? that's the million dollar question. maybe because everything is still up in the air. even tho it seems like my career is on the up and up....there's still that stress of not knowing where you're going to end up; not knowing if you'll get into a residency; not really knowing how well you are doing in your work. blah...just a life full of insecurity.

I feel alone right now. I also feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I don't know how to get out of it. Work/school is ok. It's teaching me interpersonal skills and how to adapt quickly to new situations. But my personal life is really sad to me right now. Like my school/work life IS my personal life. My fortune today said, "Your job will not teach you about life." I wonder if that's true. There's more out there than the hospital. More to experience than that. And I see everyone else "enjoying" other things.

And it's not like I don't have anything. I have my family, I have friends and I've got a career. You would think I'd be happier. I think alot of people in my class are feeling like this. I just really want to be happy.

Ok, here's me trying to be positive.

Highlights of my day:
1. Wrapping the little newborn babies like burritos. Oh how they love to be swaddled.
2. My half brother called me "sis" today.
3. "Everwood" is back! And they played 2 new episodes.

Things to look forward to this week:
1. The weekend.
2. Lost on Wed.
3. Swaddling the babies hehe.

Excerpts from Jason Mraz's "Life is Wonderful"
Man can put together some words...
It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes a word to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

It takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes some dust to make it polished

I love finding things that I need on sale! Especially things I know I will use alot. There are these shoes that everyone uses in the medical field because they're comfy and fit to your feet. I have a pair but they're for pants/scrubs. So, I saw my coworker wearing a skirt with these cute shoes. When she mentioned they were Dansko's I bit. The link is below. Awesome price. Free shipping. Who could ask for more?

Dansko Bridget's