It's 10:00 pm on a Saturday night and it's 100 degrees outside. It hit 113 earlier. Don't you just love the IE in the summertime.

so i wanted to instill some creativity into my life that's been conveniently sucked out by medical school and decided to write a song. my brother writes really good music so i wrote the lyrics and asked him to write the music to it. he just sang it to me over the phone and it's a surreal feeling to hear words you wrote to music. you hear it differently and the meaning changes but that's what's cool about it. it can mean anything to anyone. and even though people might not get its original meaning, as far as what it meant to me, it's still keeps the bottom line, you know? it's carazy!

AWOOOHOOOO. I'm awesome. My sister messed up my computer somehow, so I had to figure out how to fix it. The computer would just restart over and over and over again. It wouldn't even go into safe mode. I called up my dad and he suggested that I get new memory.

The next day I bought some memory, a PC2100, but it was 266 MHz and my memory is a 133 MHz. I didn't think it would matter so I tried that. I started trying to reinstall Windows XP. It failed like three times. I had to switch memory, switch slots...nothing worked. Then....it just died. I couldn't turn it on. Nothing. I needed a new power supply.

The next day after that I bought a power supply at Circuit City. I got home....and....IT DIDN'T FIT. It was too big for my tower. I knew this but I didn't think it would be SUCH a pain in the ass to try and figure out how to get it in there.

I started taking apart the tower. I unscrewed every screw, took out everything that I could and I still couldn't get it in there. Then I thought, hey I better test it out if this will work and fix my problem. It worked....I could turn on my computer, but it didn't fix my problem. I had to look online for random solutions and try each one til I got the right solution. I WAS SO HAPPY!!!!!

Is that the end? NO.

I still had to figure out how to get the power supply to fit into my tower. So I took the whole thing apart. I took out the motherboard and STUFFED the power supply in there, pushed the DVD and CD player forward and it finally worked out. HALLLELUIA!!!! Here are some pictures of the fruits of my 3 day hell.

Here is the finished product with everything cramped in the small ass HP tower.

I took apart the face and was able to just put the grey part on the tower so it doesn't look that retarded. But OH what's that I see? Is that a Windows desktop?? HELL YEAH!

*Pat on the back to me*

scarier still, I just registered for classes next year and they asked me about graduation stuff like how to phonetically say my name (Ma-ree-a Kris-tee-na Lim Toe-len-tee-no), my height for my gown and previous degrees i've gotten for the commencement program. eek!

Random Thoughts

This weekend was my uncle's graduation. He went back to school after serving in the U.S. Navy since he was 18. I was so proud of him.

Being at the graduation, I came to the realization that in one year I'll be wearing that gown and going up on that stage and getting my degree. It scared the begeezus out of me. Pretty crazy that in one year I'll be done.

I started my IM rotation at Arrowhead today. It doesn't seem like it's going to be that bad. I'll be Q4(on call every fourth night, which includes staying from 630am to 12pm the next day), but I think I can handle it. My team seems competent. Wish me luck!

Well, things are definitely better this week. I decided to change the way I approached this rotation and it's actually working. I'm having a little bit more fun and I think I look more confident. As far as the other things in my life, still the same old stuff, but I'm coping better.

Here's something disturbing

http://www.westislandchronicle.com/pages/article.php?noArticle=6063

Watching: Top Model
Looking forward to: LOST in one hour!

Ok. So today I woke up and thought, "Hey, I feel good today. Maybe I'll start feeling better from now on." I get home and got some work done. My sister and I are watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and I start tearing up at the most randomest parts. And, of course, I cried at the end. When I tried to let it all out...nothing came. So freaking weird. Now I'm just blah all over again and have no desire to do anything. Way to go, Harry Potter. Geez.

P.S. I have an idea why I got all emotional but I think it's stupid that my subconcious is doing this to me. It was the last movie I watched with him. How retarded is that!?!?!

Random thought of the day...Kids at Starbucks

On numerous occasions I have been at Starbucks and have seen "kids" take over the whole place. One was in Claremont and the other one near my house. It's usually around 230 when they all get out of school. I kid you not, there is a line TO THE DOOR with 6th graders clutching their 1's eagerly like ladies at a strip club. They order these Venti Mocha Frapuccino's loaded with whipped cream. Now don't get me wrong, I love Starbucks. But I couldn't help but wonder what kind of repercussions these kids are going to experience by drinking coffee loaded with sugar and fat at such an early age. And not just starting at an early age, but they are probably drinking this EVERYDAY. It's like "the hang out" because going to a Starbucks makes them feel "grown up." Diabetes, hypertension....those are the only two I could think of, but that's pretty bad.

Maybe Starbucks really is evil....

i don't like feeling this way...

ok maybe God is just trying to freak me out then haha. i think he's up there laughing and going "SIKE!!!" is that how you spell it? i think it's "psych" but that looks weird too. whatever.

i'm home not doing a damn thing. thinking about studying, but really wanting to just veg the night away. it feels like a veg night. we'll see what happens.

God must be testing me. But I'm not really in the place to be passing any of these moral tests right now. Blah!

Spring Break

When you're a medical student on rotations, you dont' really have time to get all your errands done. Now that I'm on spring break I have the opportunity to get all these things done. Unfortunately, I didn't realize just what kind of punishment I was getting myself into.

Friday into Saturday morning: I did laundry. All night laundry. Woo...hoo. I had like 6 loads to do. I kid you not. The rest of Saturday was relaxing. I went grocery shopping and rented a couple of movies to watch with my sister.

Monday: I had my appointment with my rotations coordinator to schedule my first semester rotations for fourth year. Then I decided to get my blood drawn....ouch, but for a good cause.

Tuesday: I had a dentist appointment for a cleaning. When the dentist asked me if anything was bothering me, I told him about my molar that hurts occasionally. Big mistake. He said my filling had chipped and I would have to get it redone...that day. So I had to get the local anesthetic while he drilled my tooth like no other. FUN!

Afterwards I had to get my PPD placed so I could get it read on Friday at my doctor's appointment. Another ouchie. After all that I had two needle marks on my left hand, which seriously made it look like I was a drugie hehe.















When I got home my mom had made all this good food!! But half my mouth was numb so I coudln't really enjoy the food for fear that I might accidentally bite my cheek off or have it dribble down my chin. So sad. Not to mention I looked like a retard.

This is me......













Trying to do this....














Trying to whistle...















More of spring break later. This is all for now....

the best way to feel better about something is to admit it right? I figured out two things that are bothering me:
1. I've lost a really good friend and really doubt we could ever really be "friends" again
2. I need a creative outlet.

Being that I cried after I wrote #1...I think that's what it is. Oh breakthroughs.

it's that time again ladies and gentlemen. time for me to blog....about how pathetic i feel hehe. i think i've moved into the desperate and vulnerable state of my journey to "happiness." it's not a nice place to be. doesn't really make you feel good about yourself either. what's really wack is now i feel like i'm looking for a man to make me happy, when i should be happy with myself. but what if i'm happy about everything else except for that? maybe i'm not happy with it all. but WHY? that's the million dollar question. maybe because everything is still up in the air. even tho it seems like my career is on the up and up....there's still that stress of not knowing where you're going to end up; not knowing if you'll get into a residency; not really knowing how well you are doing in your work. blah...just a life full of insecurity.

I feel alone right now. I also feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I don't know how to get out of it. Work/school is ok. It's teaching me interpersonal skills and how to adapt quickly to new situations. But my personal life is really sad to me right now. Like my school/work life IS my personal life. My fortune today said, "Your job will not teach you about life." I wonder if that's true. There's more out there than the hospital. More to experience than that. And I see everyone else "enjoying" other things.

And it's not like I don't have anything. I have my family, I have friends and I've got a career. You would think I'd be happier. I think alot of people in my class are feeling like this. I just really want to be happy.

Ok, here's me trying to be positive.

Highlights of my day:
1. Wrapping the little newborn babies like burritos. Oh how they love to be swaddled.
2. My half brother called me "sis" today.
3. "Everwood" is back! And they played 2 new episodes.

Things to look forward to this week:
1. The weekend.
2. Lost on Wed.
3. Swaddling the babies hehe.

Excerpts from Jason Mraz's "Life is Wonderful"
Man can put together some words...
It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes a word to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

It takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes some dust to make it polished

I love finding things that I need on sale! Especially things I know I will use alot. There are these shoes that everyone uses in the medical field because they're comfy and fit to your feet. I have a pair but they're for pants/scrubs. So, I saw my coworker wearing a skirt with these cute shoes. When she mentioned they were Dansko's I bit. The link is below. Awesome price. Free shipping. Who could ask for more?

Dansko Bridget's

To relieve your road rage.

What a great weekend. I thought this weekend was going to be spent being lonely and feeling sorry for myself. But my cousin Novette from SD emailed me and said she wanted to drive up and visit! So she drove up Friday night and we watched Grey's Anatomy season 1 til we fell asleep.

Saturday morning we had an idea to go to Lake Arrowhead since it had just rained and it would be pretty with snow up there. However, my cousin didn't pack clothes for the snow, so we decided to go to Glendale to visit our Goddaughter and nephew. On the way we stopped by Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles because Novette had never eaten there. So good!

So we went to dinner with my cousins from Glendale only 2 hours after the chicken and waffles and were STUFFED. We came back to their house and played with the kids for a couple hours.

My other cousin, Lisa, from Woodland Hills texted me and said they were going to be in downtown pasadena(right next door to glendale) that night. Perfect! I left my sister in Glendale and we went out to Union Cattle Company. Had a few drinks and had a blast!

Sunday we vegged and watched Greys again. At night we ate dinner at Spaghetti Factory and then took my sis to Dave and Busters.

Great weekend. Last weekend was great too. Next weekend will be fun with 2 bridal showers and a bbq. If certain things happen within this week, next weekend will be AWESOME.

i was just thinking about friends tonight. how some people have a looot of friends and some people only hold a few close and keep acquaintences at a distance. i am of the latter group. not really sure why this is. maybe i'm just lazy and don't feel like wasting my time keeping in touch with people who are not necessarily all that close to me or who may not really care. or it could be that i have trust/insecurity issues when it comes to friendships; you can blame that on me moving around a lot and not having anything really stable. so it takes a lot for me to be close to someone. i dunno. sometimes i feel bad that i don't really have a lot of friends who are kind of in between. most are either really close to me, which are few, and the rest are mostly people i consider people i know through school etc. i'm trying to open up more but it's really hard for me.

i was browsing through friendster looking up my old csa peeps. funny what can happen in 5 years.

careerwise i feel like i'm doing ok and on the right track to being something great. in my personal life i feel like i'm doing crappy and on a track to being alone haha. everything's a tradeoff huh?