ok maybe God is just trying to freak me out then haha. i think he's up there laughing and going "SIKE!!!" is that how you spell it? i think it's "psych" but that looks weird too. whatever.

i'm home not doing a damn thing. thinking about studying, but really wanting to just veg the night away. it feels like a veg night. we'll see what happens.

God must be testing me. But I'm not really in the place to be passing any of these moral tests right now. Blah!

Spring Break

When you're a medical student on rotations, you dont' really have time to get all your errands done. Now that I'm on spring break I have the opportunity to get all these things done. Unfortunately, I didn't realize just what kind of punishment I was getting myself into.

Friday into Saturday morning: I did laundry. All night laundry. Woo...hoo. I had like 6 loads to do. I kid you not. The rest of Saturday was relaxing. I went grocery shopping and rented a couple of movies to watch with my sister.

Monday: I had my appointment with my rotations coordinator to schedule my first semester rotations for fourth year. Then I decided to get my blood drawn....ouch, but for a good cause.

Tuesday: I had a dentist appointment for a cleaning. When the dentist asked me if anything was bothering me, I told him about my molar that hurts occasionally. Big mistake. He said my filling had chipped and I would have to get it redone...that day. So I had to get the local anesthetic while he drilled my tooth like no other. FUN!

Afterwards I had to get my PPD placed so I could get it read on Friday at my doctor's appointment. Another ouchie. After all that I had two needle marks on my left hand, which seriously made it look like I was a drugie hehe.















When I got home my mom had made all this good food!! But half my mouth was numb so I coudln't really enjoy the food for fear that I might accidentally bite my cheek off or have it dribble down my chin. So sad. Not to mention I looked like a retard.

This is me......













Trying to do this....














Trying to whistle...















More of spring break later. This is all for now....

the best way to feel better about something is to admit it right? I figured out two things that are bothering me:
1. I've lost a really good friend and really doubt we could ever really be "friends" again
2. I need a creative outlet.

Being that I cried after I wrote #1...I think that's what it is. Oh breakthroughs.

it's that time again ladies and gentlemen. time for me to blog....about how pathetic i feel hehe. i think i've moved into the desperate and vulnerable state of my journey to "happiness." it's not a nice place to be. doesn't really make you feel good about yourself either. what's really wack is now i feel like i'm looking for a man to make me happy, when i should be happy with myself. but what if i'm happy about everything else except for that? maybe i'm not happy with it all. but WHY? that's the million dollar question. maybe because everything is still up in the air. even tho it seems like my career is on the up and up....there's still that stress of not knowing where you're going to end up; not knowing if you'll get into a residency; not really knowing how well you are doing in your work. blah...just a life full of insecurity.

I feel alone right now. I also feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I don't know how to get out of it. Work/school is ok. It's teaching me interpersonal skills and how to adapt quickly to new situations. But my personal life is really sad to me right now. Like my school/work life IS my personal life. My fortune today said, "Your job will not teach you about life." I wonder if that's true. There's more out there than the hospital. More to experience than that. And I see everyone else "enjoying" other things.

And it's not like I don't have anything. I have my family, I have friends and I've got a career. You would think I'd be happier. I think alot of people in my class are feeling like this. I just really want to be happy.

Ok, here's me trying to be positive.

Highlights of my day:
1. Wrapping the little newborn babies like burritos. Oh how they love to be swaddled.
2. My half brother called me "sis" today.
3. "Everwood" is back! And they played 2 new episodes.

Things to look forward to this week:
1. The weekend.
2. Lost on Wed.
3. Swaddling the babies hehe.

Excerpts from Jason Mraz's "Life is Wonderful"
Man can put together some words...
It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes a word to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

It takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes some dust to make it polished

I love finding things that I need on sale! Especially things I know I will use alot. There are these shoes that everyone uses in the medical field because they're comfy and fit to your feet. I have a pair but they're for pants/scrubs. So, I saw my coworker wearing a skirt with these cute shoes. When she mentioned they were Dansko's I bit. The link is below. Awesome price. Free shipping. Who could ask for more?

Dansko Bridget's

To relieve your road rage.

What a great weekend. I thought this weekend was going to be spent being lonely and feeling sorry for myself. But my cousin Novette from SD emailed me and said she wanted to drive up and visit! So she drove up Friday night and we watched Grey's Anatomy season 1 til we fell asleep.

Saturday morning we had an idea to go to Lake Arrowhead since it had just rained and it would be pretty with snow up there. However, my cousin didn't pack clothes for the snow, so we decided to go to Glendale to visit our Goddaughter and nephew. On the way we stopped by Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles because Novette had never eaten there. So good!

So we went to dinner with my cousins from Glendale only 2 hours after the chicken and waffles and were STUFFED. We came back to their house and played with the kids for a couple hours.

My other cousin, Lisa, from Woodland Hills texted me and said they were going to be in downtown pasadena(right next door to glendale) that night. Perfect! I left my sister in Glendale and we went out to Union Cattle Company. Had a few drinks and had a blast!

Sunday we vegged and watched Greys again. At night we ate dinner at Spaghetti Factory and then took my sis to Dave and Busters.

Great weekend. Last weekend was great too. Next weekend will be fun with 2 bridal showers and a bbq. If certain things happen within this week, next weekend will be AWESOME.

i was just thinking about friends tonight. how some people have a looot of friends and some people only hold a few close and keep acquaintences at a distance. i am of the latter group. not really sure why this is. maybe i'm just lazy and don't feel like wasting my time keeping in touch with people who are not necessarily all that close to me or who may not really care. or it could be that i have trust/insecurity issues when it comes to friendships; you can blame that on me moving around a lot and not having anything really stable. so it takes a lot for me to be close to someone. i dunno. sometimes i feel bad that i don't really have a lot of friends who are kind of in between. most are either really close to me, which are few, and the rest are mostly people i consider people i know through school etc. i'm trying to open up more but it's really hard for me.

i was browsing through friendster looking up my old csa peeps. funny what can happen in 5 years.

careerwise i feel like i'm doing ok and on the right track to being something great. in my personal life i feel like i'm doing crappy and on a track to being alone haha. everything's a tradeoff huh?

when did my life become a drawn out version of a show on the WB?

yay my mom went to watch the ballroom dancing show I got her for Christmas and she loved it. one point for me :) her bday is coming up. not sure what i'm going to do.

Hi all. I am post call meaning I was up for about 30 hours. I have since slept but still feel bleh. It was a pretty good call. I got to see 7 deliveries and helped in some of them.

It was really surreal to watch a baby being born for the first time. The first one I saw was a C-section. And this is even more surreal because you go in there as if it's a regular surgery. You make the incision and start cutting through the layers. Then all of a sudden there's this baby and it's crying. And it's like wtf just happened? I swear childbirth is a complete miracle. The placenta comes out and it looks like something someone made/designed and it's perfectly made. I got to help transfer the baby to the examining table. It was all warm and slimy. I was so scared I was going to drop it. So crazy. My first vaginal birth I saw was of an anencephalic baby. The parents had decided to carry the baby to term instead of terminate the pregnancy when they found out. It was so sad because you know this baby is going to die, and they still went ahead with it, went through the labor and pain just to see their baby and say good bye. It was extremely hard not to cry on either delivery. But after like the 4th one it wasn't so bad.

We had a really difficult(personality wise) patient last night. 21 year old couple, very little prenatal care and so her dates weren't good. she was around 32 weeks pregnant +/- 3 weeks. she had 2 previous c sections which increased her chance for uterine rupture if her uterus continued to contract. we wanted to give her a medicine to stop her contractions b/c the baby was too young and we didn't want her to rupture. b/c she had been given this medication b4 and had some side effects, she didn't want to take it. we tried to explain to her that the risks of the side effects outweighed the risk of her bleeding or having the baby's lungs be underdeveloped. she couldn't understand this for some reason and didn't want the drug. finally she agreed to it. she finally ended up leaving against medical advice(AMA) b/c she said her babysitter had to go home. um ok. i swear people are crazy.

that was my call night. oh and for a few hours i got to hang out with cute paramedic student. boo he didn't leave me his number haha. he was 22 anyway. lol

OBGYN rotation
holy crap i'm tired. and i didn't even have that long a day. got up at 6, worked til 530 watched some TV, read for about an hour or so. And I get 6 weeks of this. I'm on call on Thursday which entails me waking up at 430am and staying at the hospital until 8 or 9am the next day. And I heard you don't get to sleep, which sucks because LOST is on the night before. In the interest of my health and energy, I might just tape it and watch it on Friday, which is my day off. Kinda cool cuz then I get a 3 day weekend sort of because I'll be sleeping half the day Friday. Ok I'll try to keep y'all posted but I don't even know if I'll sign on tomorrow.

what is wrong with people? i wonder what i would do if those were my kids. could i get away with beating the shit out of them?

Ok i don't remember what day i wrote the following post but it was saved as a draft.....whoops:

Today was a blah day. I went to church and was all sad. Didn't do much today. Tried studying this morning and read through the cases I'm going to have for my clinical performance exams tomorrow. Lazed about and watched LOST. Tried studying again. Got bored and sad again. I will welcome the busy-ness of the next 3 months. I'm really lonely. :(

THIS is my post for today. So I started using myway.com which is where you can customize your website. I put word of the day on there and daily fortune and quote of the day right. It's funny cuz the fortunes and word of the day coincide with what i'm feeling worrying about that day. Like today's word was "lethargic." I'm sleepy and lazy as hell today. And the daily fortune was: "Stop searching forever- happiness is just next to you." Today I was wondering if I'll ever be happy in a relationship or when I'll find my next one. Yesterday's was funny, it said, "Someone wants your body." And I think I was feeling insecure that day. I hope I'm not getting sick. I may just hit the hay right now.

ETA of the Matthew Fox calendar I made: ~20 hours. woohoo

Tonight my mom's college classmate came to stay with us and that's one of the main reasons why I was cleaning. She was supposed to come at 4, called and said she was going to be 'late.' That's fine, but 5 rolls around....6 comes. I'm starting to get hungry. Then she calls and says that there was a misunderstanding with her ride. She thought their agreemente was that she was going to call him when she needed a ride. He thought he was supposed to meet her at 3pm at this place. He shows up at 3 and stays til 5 and drives home. This man does not own a cell phone. So I have to go pick her up in West Covina, which is fine. Except that when I get there, they're eating. Backstory to that is my mom got this food from the Filipino place and cooked some food as well, which I was uber looking forward to ALL day.

So they're eating. And being the Filipinos that they are they tell me, "Oh why don't you come and eat." FYI, don't ever try to refuse food from Filipinos. They will not stop until you eat something. So I'm thinking I have passed the pressure and I can just eat and be at peace. I got a small portion because I want to eat at home mind you. I get some fish, some pork. The lady of the house is like do you want fresh lumpia(eggroll). This is how the convo went:

Lady: Oh here try some fresh lumpia.
Me: Oh no thank you it's ok, I'll just have this.
(1 minute later)
Lady: Well do you want some of the soup?
Me: Oh I'm ok with this, thank you.
Lady: You know why don't you try the fresh lumpia. The sauce is very good, so and so made it. It's really good.
Me: No, I'm ok really
(1 minute later)
Lady:(has picked up the bowl of lumpia and is motioning to me) Here, do you want some??
Me: No no, it's ok I don't want any.

You get the point. I think she may have asked one more time and then gave up. On that same token, my sister came with me and I didn't want to make her a plate and feed her cuz that would have prolonged the stay. So I said she had just eaten recently and I would feed her at home. I think they tried to give her food or get me to get her food like 4 times. Why does this happen with Filipinos? Why can't they just be satisfied with a "No thank you." And why do they always make you feel guilty/wrong for not taking their damn food. C'MON! I want to eat this rice, fish and pork and NOT the fresh lumpia. Give it a rest already!

I drove home and ate my mom's cooking too :) I'm a pig, but I didn't know what else to do. If I had known how much badgering I would have gotten about my sister and the lumpia, I might as well have said I didn't want to eat.

OK SEE it happened again. The lady that's staying with us asked me 30 min ago if I was going to sleep...at 10 minute increments she asks or says that we should go to bed cuz it's late. It's funny my sister just gave her this look like "yeah ok whatever." HAHA!

I am a cleaning machine!!! I finally finished vaccuuming the whole house. And when I say "the whole house" I mean everything. The curtains, all the cobwebs and dead ants and crap. I'm so proud of myself. The house is clean....except my room haha as always. I love love love our new vaccum haha. I am really starting to sound like Monica on Friends. Ok time for me to shower cuz I feel nasty from all the dust flying about.

Peace out yo!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!...well 36 more minutes and it will be for me. I am sitting at home, on the computer blogging. I'm spending a nice and quiet new years at home. It doesn't feel as lame as I thought it would be. For the last 30 minutes of 2005 I am going to put the clean sheets on the bed in the guest room. I'm such a party animal!!!

so i've had an ok couple of days. been busy working on the house, shopping, etc etc. i bought alot actually:
1. vacuum cleaner $60, 2 bras $30, GC ended up paying only $20 bucks
2. hp printer(on backorder boooo): $30 after rebate
3. liz claiborne purse at zappos.com: $60 with $20 coupon only $40
4. underwear 5/$25, tube top $15, blouse $19 at victorias secret: ~$75 after GC $5!
5. long sleeve T at target $9

after all that i only ended up spending around 100 for all of that. awesome.

i was cleaning out my room. and why oh why do i always have to get nostalgic when i do that. usually i welcome the nostalgia, but today it just made me sad. i've been missing him lately; not because i want to get back together with him, but because i can't. does that make any sense? maybe someday it could happen, but there are no guarantees in life, and who knows if the people we become will want to have a relationship with each other. there are people getting married all around me. i know of 5 couples that are going to get married within the next two years. not that i'm saying i want to get married right now. it's just...shouldn't i at least be close? those are just the random thoughts that go through my head while i sift through all my junk.

wee! just joined netflix. these next 2 weeks are gonna be great! yeah i'm lame but i don't care what you think!

PICTURES!

How cute is my Goddaughter? She's almost 3 years old and can work a room with her cuteness.

This is her 8 month old brother, equally as cute but a little more subdued. His interests include chewing on paper, leather and anything he can get his hands on.

Novette, Karissa and I on Christmas Eve.

Mi familia: Mom, Matess and I

yeah it's 3am. yeah i'm still up. yeah i just got home. no idea why i'm online, but i am. i think it was the coffee.

anyway, i drove SO MUCH today. it was the equivalent of driving to san diego and back. how fun is that? i survived, and so did my precious car. poor thing.

now i am just rambling. these are things i would tell a bf if i had one. this is probably why i don't have a bf b/c this is the random shit i would talk about when i called him to say good night. lol

family time was good tonight. reminisced with my cousins. hung out. ate. ok seriously this is sad rambling so i'm gonna stop typing. OH cool thing tonight. I was driving home and looking at the moon...and then I hit this fog and the moon disappeared. I dunno, I never witnessed that before and I don't know why I think it's so cool now but it was. Ok i'm gonna stop seriously....

Happy Christmas Eve Eve! I'm FINALLY done with everything Christmas. Gifts are wrapped and ready to be doled out. It sux no one is online cuz they've all gone home for Christmas hehe. I have a lot of cleaning anyway....and laundry. Procrastinating is bad people.

So, the red head came and dropped by gifts that his mom got me and a ticket to the Kings game on Monday! I finally get to wear MY OWN King's Jersey to the game! yay. I kinda felt bad because I didn't get his family ANYTHING and his mom got me TONS of stuff: 2 knit blouses, 2 pairs of gloves, a scarf, fuzzy socks, 2 lip gloss key chains, and a Victoria's Secret gift card. It was insane! Oh and the Kings ticket. And all I got them was an e-card. Not even a REAL card, an e-card. But but we're broken up. I'm not SUPPOSED to get them anything. I'm trying to set boundaries. I mean old Christina would have TOTALLY gotten them something. But at this point I really can't do that for various reasons you know?

I'm excited for tomorrow. In the morning we're gonna go see my cousin in Glendale and her kids. And then I get to play with them alll day until my aunt's party in Granada Hills. :) Christmas Day will be spent in Glendale at my OTHER aunt's house.

Merry Christmas to all!

I'm so proud of myself hehe. Humor me while I brag about my handyman skillz.

SO, my mom added more lights on the house this past weekend. But, she managed to "break" the main lights I put up. They just wouldn't light. She transferred the lights on the bushes(which she added) to another outlet, and the lights on the house STILL wouldn't light. Mind you I invested a lot of time and effort in buying the new lights and putting them up. So I'll be damned if I invested all that and have it not be lit on Christmas.

I first tested the outlet the lights were plugged into. That worked. So that meant (thank God) that I didn't have to go through each lightbulb to see if that was the defective lightbulb. In the extra lightbult bag that came with the light were fuses. I was like hmm they have fuses?? So instead of trying to figure out how to open the plug which was attached to the house already, I did it with some lights we had in the garage. It was easy enough and I replaced the fuse that was blown and WOOPIE...there was light! I'm awesome.

so i saw this girl today that i hadn't seen in a long time. and she gained so much weight! totally noticeable. it totally weirded me out. i mean it cant' be that much weight but enough to be obvious u know? i wonder if that will ever happen to me.

i think i have stomach issues. i've been having tummy aches. it could be that i eat too much or don't drink enough. ohhhh well.

p.s. i love my car

i think i'm coming down from my high with the new car. felt kind of sad today. starting missing the boy for some reason. but then i had this dream about him that made me mad, so now i still miss the boy but remember why i shouldn't be with him. oh baby steps.

Here's some pictures of my new car :) I named her Hedwig...yeah yeah yeah i know she's black, but thats' her name ok?

What a blog-worthy day!! :) Today is a happy albeit stressful day.

I BOUGHT MY CAR! FINALLY! I finally have a Civic to call my own for the New Year. I'm very proud of myself because I went to the dealership all by my lonesome and did pretty good at talking down the price of the car and the price of the extended warranty. I walked away feeling like I got a good deal...I hope I didn't get jipped hehe. Then I didn't need a cosigner for my financing so the car is allll mine.

How cool is my car? The CD player plays MP3s, there's this thing on my radio where if you press this button "a. select" it will program your radio stations to the stations that have the best reception. So if you're driving through Utah, you can just press that button and get radio stations instead of browsing through the whole thing. Plus, my car is just so pretty. :) So very pretty.

Then I went to church with my mom for Simbang Gabi(Midnight Mass) which is a tradition in the Philippines...but the mass was actually at 730. So I was starving by this time cuz I skipped dinner(I was at the dealer from 230-630). And to my surprise THEY HAD FREE FOOD! I didn't overeat either so that was another plus. They had powdered brownies. YUM. And now I'm home. I just cleaned the car, cuz I had all my crap from the Accord thrown where-ever in there.

So yay, that was my day!

Hallelujiah!! My mom FINALLY started cleaning. It's amazing how much work she got done in the last couple of days. Good thing too cuz my friend is going to be staying with us as of january.

Today I got a facial in Alhambra....which was totally ruined by the 2 hours of traffic I had to sit through to get home. Sigh. It was fun while it lasted.

Looking forward to this weekend. It's my friend Steph's bday and we're going to Rock Bottom then whatever bar calls our way.

I'm almost done with Christmas shopping for the "kids" of the family. 3 more I have to figure out.

Me and one of the best Rieslings I've ever tasted! Yum.

This is the car I'm getting, hopefully sometime this week!!

ok ok. so i'll post something that's not depressing.

this weekend was my friend sheila's holiday cocktail party. it was cool. i came early and we got our makeup done. i probably spent too much money on the makeup but i never had it done before and it made me feel good. :) then we picked up the food from whole foods. she got these mozzarella, basil and tomato crestini thing...YUMMMMMM.

my dress was very "ahem" low cut and it's funny to see how guys react to this. i got a lot of "thank you's". i mean if some guy was wearing his shirt open or his ass out, i don't think i'd say thank you. guys are weird.

my friend's ex bf bought her this riesling: johann falkenburg...it was soo good. better than chataeu st. michelle. yum. but i can't find anywhere to buy it. i had like 3 glasses of that. i think i could have finished the whole magnum bottle. then we played checkers w/ shots of wine. the wine was wack. *shiver*

we slept in until 1030 the next day and ate brunch at the long beach museum of art. good times.

then i got in a stupid fight with my mom which spiraled me into a depressed mood for the rest of the day. yay.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

anyone ever feel like quitting life. noooo not TAKING their life...but just quitting. just restarting it all over and starting new. wish i could just restart sometimes. i wonder if i'd be happier. i guess my WHOLE life isn't crap. i just feel like i screwed up some aspects of it and well, i don't like screwing up. can i just crumple up the piece of paper and start drawing a new picture? i just feel like i could have done things differently. and i know it's not all my fault b/c he could have done things differently too. whatever i just don't feel like dealing with feelings right now...so i'll continue to be numb.

p.s. this is me just venting, don't go feeling sad or sorry for me. i'll be fine

I love the show Everwood on, yes, the WB. And not because it super realistic, but because it's so completely idealistic, romantic, tragic, UNrealistic and filled with angst of all kinds. I like rooting for all the characters and all the crap that goes wrong in their lives. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling which I'm in dire need of these days. Just thought I'd share.

Other thoughts: 1. I want to watch Memoirs of a Geisha 2. Anyone hear about "Brokeback Mountain" with Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal? Read an article on it written by a gay film critic I think, it was "the straight man's guide to brokeback mountain." I can't find the article again, but it was funny 3. I hate that LOST is on hiatus for 6 weeks!

i feel like my personal life is on a downward spiral. oh i'm sure i'm being overdramatic and pessimistic but i don't care. thank goodness i like what i do for a living and find it fulfilling.

things i'm bitching about
1. my internet is fucked up again
2. i'm alone...can't be with the one that i love because we don't work/make each other happy...not ready to find someone else...which doesn't really help my loneliness does it?
3. don't feel really good about myself...just personally...don't really know who i am at this point....trying to find out, but it will take a while. i disappoint myself constantly b/c i bottle things up inside and then i blow up for no reason at all. i wish i was braver.
4. i'm impatient and only time can help me...how ironic is that?
5. i am not happy with my home life. my mother is irritating the shit out of me...i love her cuz she's my mom, but she's a child. and her scolding me for things she doesn't even do makes me want to scream. AND i know she won't/can't change because this is who she is. it's just a little harder to accept it if it's staring you in the face ALL THE TIME.
6. i hate not having an income. i feel useless/hopeless because i can't fix any of my financial problems.
7. i constantly feel stupid at work...but this isn't so bad b/c i'm only a 3rd year med student so i have about the rest of my life left to feel stupid because.....doctors are 'life long learners'
8. wow i've run out of things to bitch about......

things i'm thankful for/looking forward to
1. i think i actually picked the right profession and i'm happy about that. just have to figure out a specialty
2. my friends...they know who they are. thanks for all the support
3. my cousin Novette...always there for me...can always cheer me up somehow.
4. my sister...she can be a pain but she give me the hugs i need
5. and as much as i bitch about her, my mom...and dad. i'm thankful i have them and they support me.
6. chronicles of narnia....and i just found out they made a new version of charlotte's web which comes out in 2006
7. getting a new car.....

i've watched a whole season's worth of six feet under in like 4 days. maybe it's comforting to me to watch fictional characters' f*ed up lives to make my life seem ok. not that my life is even that bad. i just feel like i'm just here. not happy, not sad. just here. it's really a strange feeling. i'm gonna try to write in this more. we'll see how that goes. :)

well it's been a few months since i've blogged. lately i've been feeling a bit depressed and feeling like my life is in chaos, but today i realized nothing is going to change if i don't change it. so i am going to try to get my credit in check. my credit score is actually not that bad, but i would like to get rid of my credit debt and keep it off. all that is intertwined with my relationship with my mom. it's hard to communicate with her because most of the time she takes it the wrong way. we use my credit cards for alot of our purchases which isn't good cuz then they get maxed out and my credit score goes down. i would someday like to be able to buy a house and a good car, but i need good credit to do so. so i gotta keep that in check.

as far as my mom goes, since i've moved back we've had a volatile relationship. one day we will be great and in a second we'll be yelling at each other, or i'll be mad/frustrated at something inconsiderate she's done. i kinda wanna have a talk with her to minimize all that, but i'm apprehensive because i don't really know what will become of it. what i really want to tell her is to get off her ass, manage her time well(because she watches way too much tv) and just be considerate. she knows i'm pressed for time and yet she schedules or shall i say doesn't schedule things accordingly like my time isn't important. come to think of it, i don't think i'll have that discussion with her. i can already see it going bad. now, you all might think that i'm just being pessimistic and chickening out, but i'd like to let you all know that i have tried communicating with her on numerous occasions. you can't have an adult conversation with this woman. seriously. i have to find the right time to bring it up. we'll see what happens.

ok after i vented, i see that my life really isn't in chaos, i just feel overwhelmed at times. i'm super anal and want everything to be perfect. and life isn't perfect. the sooner i understand that, the sooner i'll be able to handle life.

so i'm at coffee bean killing time before i meet my friend christie at souplantation and i brought my computer so i could do work. there's a wireless connection here but i couldn't use it. when i open my IE it's an SBC home page type deal and it says you could pay 4 bucks for 2 hours of connection. so i paid and woohoo, then there was a connection. so i think i'll be hanging out here :) i'm gonna go watch willy wonka in 15 minutes at the theater next door...all by myself.

today i had 4 patients and i actually got to eat lunch even tho dr. lai came early. i think i'm getting faster woohoo. i'm down to 2 patients...will probably get a new one tomorrow. woohoo.

things i'm looking forward to:
1. moving back home and actually have a HOME...say goodbye to my nomad days
2. getting DSL at my house...15 bucks a month for 1.5 Mbps....if that sux then 25 bucks for 3Mbps
3. getting netflix...10 bucks for unlimitted DVDs a month...only get to keep one at a time, but that's totally fiine with me.
4. disneyland this weekend
5. tom petty next weekend
6. hawaii in september
7. vegas in september
8. getting my car fixed someday

things i'm not looking forward to:
1. surgery at arrowhead
2. having to move to another rotation and get used to their ways there.
3. moving back home and actually having to organize all my crap...

so i decided to blog a lil blurb of random thoughts

my rotation is going well. it's a lot of busy work. not really learning alot about medicine per se but i'm learning about the runnings of a hospital and how much work it is to manage patients. hopefully i'm getting better at it rather than just staying where i am.

peter jennings died, sad huh? so sudden.

i feel busy, i did a lot today. worked straight from 9-330 no breaks no lunch. went and got dinner for my cousins...came home and ate...and i've been on the computer for a few hours running errands and what not. now it's time for a shower so i don't have to take one tomorrow. i'm gonna try to go in at 8 tomorrow b/c we have 2 lectures....and we start rounding at 1230...but have to be done w/ patients at 11 cuz our lecture starts at 11.

i'm actually going to starbucks to study for a couple of hours cuz i want to. how crazy is that. lol

You scored as . Ron Weasley 70% Hermione Granger 70% Remus Lupin 65% Albus Dumbledore 60% Severus Snape 60% Draco Malfoy 55% Ginny Weasley 50% Harry Potter 45% Sirius Black 35% Lord Voldemort 20% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com

ahh. for the past two nights all i've done is veg. i haven't done it in so long. i just sat and watched tv for HOURS. :) But right now i'm going to read the 2 articles Dr. Lai gave us so I can just get it out of the way.

listening to: Gwen Stefani-Cool

Comlex scores

woohoo I passed again!

Score: 497
Percent: 79%

it's really weird that i did better on this than the usmle. it's out of 800 points and you need 400 to pass. yay for me! I'm finally officially a 3rd year.

HELL FREAKIN YEAH!!!!

I passed!! I passed!! I seriously feel like I got into med school all over again. This is a great feeling and I haven't felt this way in so long! It's refreshing.

The USMLE is the boards all M.D.'s have to take. Being a D.O. and passing the USMLE makes you more competitive because they can measure you against M.D.'s. I don't HAVE to pass these boards, but it is to my benefit if I do.

Passing is usually a score of 182...(I can't remember out of how much) and a percentage of 75%.

My score: 207
Percent: 84%

I called my mom and told her to check the mail. She said she would call me back with my score. When she called she asked, "What's passing?" and I told her 182. And she's like you got an 84. And i'm like um...are you sure it's not a 184?? And she was like no it's an 84. And I'm like is it the percent? and she's like yes 84% whew!! then she told me my score.

Rotation: OMM
Other Western Students: Cherrie Gilleon, Ila Pourashem(sp?), Cindy Chen
Preceptor: Dr. Joseph Watson aka the red head hippie
Schedule:
M 12-6(i got out at 715 today)
Tues and Thurs 9-5(most likely 6)
Wed off
Friday 9-2

Pros: It's in Del Mar, so nice weather and you can see the ocean from the office. I get Wed off. I don't have to go in until 12 on Monday.

Cons: I GOT OUT AT 715 TODAY!!! grrrr
My preceptor is a freakin hippie--yep, like those guys who came to lecture us during psych--yep, he had a book of those weird psychadelic pictures. He's preachy about the government/politics, his philosophy about the profession(very anti-pharmaceuticals, pro-nutrition) etc etc. so not only does he TALK alot...I don't know what he's talking about 80% of the time!!! And not cuz I zone out which is like 70% of the time, but even when i pay attention!! He was talking about how the distance btwn our teeth is the same as the distance between here to the moon, if you think about it in atomic energy??? i don't know.

There isn't very much structure. We were sitting there not really knowing what to do. Every now and then he would be like go upstairs and see the patient there. No guidance, just go. So I didn't really LEARN anything, I just pretty much went with what I knew and that was enough. I didn't learn how to document really--his charting is retarded; not at all like how they have charts at the OMM clinic. So I would just improvise.

Most interesting thing of the day: Dr. Crazy was working on this lady(first patient--we were observing) and he started at her feet. I noticed she would jerk her head randomly and so i assumed she had some weird tick or something. Then later he mentioned something about, "See how she's reacting to the treatment." And then when he got to her head, she started spontaneously moving her head in weird places and then it wasn't just her head it was her torso and arms, while Dr. Crazy just followed her into whatever position she was going into. SO FREAKING WEIRD! It was like watching one of those evangelical shows on TV where the priest is ridding the person of the devil. I'd never seen anything liike it in my life. And I didn't wanna ASK him cuz then he would have gone off on one of his rants about energy and the spirit.

FUCK!!! Two and a half weeks left until my first set of board exams(COMLEX). I have been diligently studying for boards for the last few weeks. So can someone explain to me why I'm getting lower scores on my qbank practice questions?? I got the LOWEST score I ever today. I think my brain is fried. it's just so disheartening to do worse after you've been trying so hard. TWO AND A HALF WEEKS!!!!

I took this Specialty Aptitude test to see what specialty fits my personality. is that bad that the specialty i want to go into is at the bottom of the list??

Rank Specialty Score
1 dermatology 46
2 physical med & rehabilitation 44
3 pediatrics 44
4 radiology 43
5 occupational med 43
6 rheumatology 43
7 hematology 43
8 general internal med 42
9 anesthesiology 42
10 ophthalmology 41
11 obstetrics/gynecology 41
12 otolaryngology 40
13 radiation oncology 40
14 gastroenterology 40
15 endocrinology 39
16 pulmonology 39
17 nephrology 39
18 med oncology 39
19 colon & rectal surgery 39
20 pathology 39
21 general surgery 39
22 plastic surgery 39
23 psychiatry 38
24 urology 38
25 orthopaedic surgery 38
26 nuclear med 38
27 neurology 38
28 emergency med 38
29 infectious disease 38
30 cardiology 37
31 allergy & immunology 37
32 neurosurgery 37
33 thoracic surgery 37
34 preventive med 36
35 aerospace med 36
36 family practice 34

So i MIGHT still be able to rotate through OMM in Hawaii. How awesome would that be?! One month in Hawaii with my dad and brothers. It would be like a pseudo va-k with free lodging. I'd have to work 6/7 days of the week, but then I heard you get out early 2 of the days. My brother could TOTALLY teach me how to surf--or I could take lessons. I could get nice and tan. woohoo.

I have 2, count em 2 exams tomorrow and somehow I'm not stressing it for shit. Lord knows why. I need to do well. I'm gonna get something to eat right now, then go to church, then spend the rest of the afternoon studying. Gotta love it.

today i had montclair clinic. it was a women's clinic tonight and i did my first "real" pap smear. i felt bad cuz i couldn't really find the cervix. and then when i was taking the specimen she started bleeding. poor thing. I'M SORRY i'm inexperienced! then my dumbass forgot to finish up with the patient so she was waiting in the room forever. i felt so bad. otherwise it was a cool night. the resident and the nurse said my notes were good :)

i had a first year following me. i hate it cuz i'm ok looking like a dumbass to the patient, but someone shadowing me vaguely knows what's going on. so there's all this pressure to know stuff cuz you're the 2nd year and should know this shit cuz you're about to go on rotations. bleh. i guess i just have to get used to looking like a dumbass cuz starting june 27th that's all i'll ever be looking like. wish me luck.

And you thought you could fold a shirt.

How awesome is that?! I tried it and it works! i will fold like that from now on. so fast!

so i've once again reverted to my "depressed state". what is that you may ask? well it's a little better than before. i am not crying incessantly, but i am playing that damned spider game again instead of studying. i also can't get up in the morning. i would love to just stay in bed until everything is better again. but nooo nothing will get better if i stay in bed. it will only get worse because i will fail in school and have wasted like 150 grand on it. so not only will i be a depressed fool, i will be a failure haha.

i know it's a waste but i just keep sitting here wishing for things that aren't at all possible. i keep thinking of ways to make it better. i keep wondering when all of this will finally run its course and things will be "normal" again for me; instead of this weird day to day life i lead that is only bearable by distractions such as studying. so basically, if i can master getting my ass up in the morning, find a way to never be in my apartment alone unless i'm eating or watching tv, and figure out how to fall asleep once i hit the bed, then i can be "ok." hmm wonder if that's healthy. prolly not.

i didn't really accomplish my goals for the day. i need to get to bed soon because i'm trying to get up at 7am tomorrow. but i'm not sleepy. so i'll prolly end up crying myself to sleep again. WOOHOO can't wait. tomorrow should be a busy tiring day. class from 8-5, then doing micro for an undisclosed amount of time. then american idol and house. then prolly do a qbank. good night all.

i'm obsessed with the show Lost....must buy DVD in July when it supposedly comes out. I think i would be a more obsessed fan if I wasn't so lazy to look things up. Sucks that there's only like one person I know that watches the show. I don't think anyone gets my obsession....oh well, it keeps me sane anyway. that's what tv's for right?

I can't believe it's Thursday. I didn't work as hard as I did last week, but then again I don't have a test on Monday. I feel like I've been working my ass off, and yet I'm sure there are people out there working twice as hard as I am. I just don't wanna burn out. I think I'm going at a reasonable pace.

I got my GI grade today. I did ok, passed and above the mean. I'm ok with that. I'm freaking tired! I actually went to my 8am class this morning cuz it was Dr. Yang. She's the best.

Oh and I got more spots filled on my rotations schedule. I'm doing OBGYN at Arrowhead and Peds at Citrus Valley. I dunno if I posted the rest of my schedule, but I'll post the finalized one cuz they're still trying to figure shit out, and hopefully I can trade my farther rotations.

I think I'm going to sleep early tonight. I have to take a shower tho...and that might end up waking me up. Wouldn't that just be great. Or I could just go to sleep now and see what time I wake up tomorrow.

I feel like there's such a hole in my life right now. I'm doing everything I need to be doing in my life, and yet I still feel incomplete.

listening to: Jason Mraz-Absolutely Zero

Finally reinstalled Hello. Here is a pic of me and my sibs: Erwin(15), Andrew(9), Matess(23) and Me(25--i'm old yes i know). 

Random Occurence of the Day
So I stayed in Fontana last night because I was too lazy to drive back to my apartment, plus I think my sister wanted me to stay home. This morning I had an exam and I didn't really have time to fill up my gas tank. The light had just turned on which means I had 30 more miles to go before I ran out of gas. So I get to school fine. But I forgot to fill up after school and when I went to my friend Sheila's house. So after we watched Desperate Housewives and Eurotrip, I went to my car. But...IT WOULDLN'T START! I was like crap, I think I'm out of gas.

Sheila drove me to the gas station and I had to buy one of those little tank thingies for gas. There were some British tourists there that were having problems with their pump. So Sheila and I tried to help them, but we couldn't figure out what was wrong. Then I couldn't figure out how to fill the tank that I bought. The attendant ended up coming out and helping the both of us.

We drove back to Sheila's and assembled the nozzle for the tank. BUT it started leaking gas when I tried to put it in the hole. It kept leaking gas, so Sheila suggested that we just pour the gas straight from the tank into the nozzle...without using the pump thing. And it worked! Took a while but it worked!

It must have looked really funny with two filipino girls trying to figure out how to put gas into a car.

Random occurence of the day: My cousin's fiance IMed me and told me that my cousin talked to Kyle b/c he had a job for him...and Kyle told my cousin to tell me that he missed me. I just thought that was really random and weird of him. Good thing my cousin didn't really think so. Anyway, I was almost happy to hear that. I guess hearing anything about him would elicit that reaction.

Quote of the Day
Mr. Incredible/Bob Par: Well, what are you waiting for?
Little boy: I dunno, something amazing I guess..
Mr. Incredible/Bob Par: Me too kid.

And I continue to wait...SOMEthing's bound to happen. In the meantime I'll just float through my life getting to where I need to be, doing the things I need to do.

Today I met my half brothers for the first time. I will post a picture once I can figure that out cuz I think I deleted "Hello" from my computer. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it was gonna be. My brothers seem pretty cool. Erwin is 15 and Andrew is 9. Erwin reminds me so much of my cousin Ben: loves surfing and plays the guitar. Andrew looks a lot like me when I was a kid and he talks ALOT(i think i was like that when i was young too). They seemed to enjoy their time here in CA and by enjoy I mean LOVE.

Right now I'm "finishing up" studying for my test tomorrow. I hope I do ok.

HEY! i just looked at my "goals for the week" and i FINALLY accomplished one. good job me. :)

dude it's freakin 230 already. i been playing that stupid spider solitaire game. i didn't even win. i dunno...just don't wanna go to bed. cheers to my insomnia....

For the past couple of Fridays, my friend Steph and I have been going to Borders in Montclair to study. The first time we went, we were pleasantly surprised to find out that they have live music there from 8-10 every Friday. Well, first we were annoyed because we were studying, but the band turned out to be pretty decent and good study music. They were called Reserved 16. Steph ended up buying a CD since it was only 8 bucks. We still can't figure out who they sound like...probably never will. This week this asian lady...we couldn't figure out her name and didn't bother to ask but she played the piano and guitar; first name was Korrene I think? She was also good. The music was good, but the lyrics were kinda eh to me.

Speaking of non-mainstream random music. My cousin introduced me to this Filipino band called Julie Plug. They sound exactly like Six Pence None the Richer...it's creepy. But they've got a slightly different sound. A little on the "harder" side...for lack of a better word cuz they're not exactly HARD. It's a nice break from some of the crap that's out there today.

I have been having phases of random tastes in music. The last few months I was into some indie rock stuff. Before that I was into country. I can't remember past that. Now I'm into soft, mellow, Jason Mraz-y music. You know...good study music.

Speaking of studying. I have been studying my ASS off this past week.
Monday: 3 hours on my ECM assignment---such boring, tedious busy work.
Tuesday: studied at the library from 7-1030.
Wednesday: went to school early and studied from 930-11, then studied from 5-7
Thurs: library from 630-10
Friday: school studying from 1-5; Borders studying from 7-10

INSANE!!!! I've never studied this much ever. I have to do this until June haha. Hope I can keep it going.

Random news that may not be important to you but is to me:
1. I scored a 74% on qbank yesterday! (but today i scored 50% haha)
2. there's another girl who's pregnant in my class now(my friend katie is the other one)
3. I downloaded the Sound of Music soundtrack!
4. Lost was awesome on Wed.

ahh an afternoon off. but i don't want to study.

my dad and his family are in CA for the week. my sister matess is va-k-ing with them. i talked to them last night and it sounded like she was having a lot of fun at disneyland. i'm glad, cuz she doesn't usually do much during the week. sux cuz i have school, i can't go with them.

so this week i'm trying to get my studying done. i did really well last night. i went to the library from 7-1030 and then this morning i studied boards stuff from 930-11. and once i get out of my afternoon funk i will study until lost and american dreams start. i can't tape both cuz they are both on at 8--too bad i don't have tivo.

i also started working out this week cuz i'm finally getting better and i'm not coughing as much. i bought the CORE workout ball thingie and videos. i worked out yesterday and i'm so sore today. my flank region, my ass, my hamstrings and pecs and arms. i did a light workout today. more of stretching. i hope i'm not too sore again tomorrow. haha i decided to start working out again b/c when i was sick, the constant coughing tightened up my stomach--so i'm trying to take advantage of that and keep my stomach tight haha. but right now i want to take a nap...
listening to: jason mraz-on love, in sadness

MFCKR!!! i blogged ALLLLLLLL this stuff about my week. And it got erased. I quit. Maybe some other time. SUCK!!! it took me like 10 minutes to write all that crap. aklsd;fjaksldfjsdlkafds

I GOT BANGS! the eyebrow waxing and the new haircut definitely put me in a better mood. next mission: drinks and sushi!

this fucking sux. :( i don't want to be sad anymore!!!! i can't call him, email, IM, ANYTHING. i hate not knowing him. stupid crap dsafjklasjfklsfrielajfkfdsad. this is wack.

so i'm blogging again. why may you ask? well, i'm single now and have oodlees and oodles of time to think about life---which i should actually spend STUDYING FOR BOARDS, but hey, i'm on spring break and i'm gonna relax dammit!(well, just until tuesday)

i'm in san diego right now staying at my cousin's house. it's nice to get away, even though i'm not doing anything very different from what i do at home. if you think about it, it's really like a 2nd home to me. we went to go watch hitch tonight. cute cute movie...kinda gives you hope---for those of us who are hopeless.

i just noticed that i don't follow grammar rules. i wonder how many people that bugs. hehe. fragment! oh no! :D

ahh finally something to blog about. 4 things actually.
1. went to see the body worlds exhibit at the calif. science center on tuesday. AWESOME. and not just from like someone who would naturally be interested in that kind of stuff. it was very educational and the dissections/specimens were INSANE. my personal favorites were the severe scoliosis and the pregnant woman.
2. later that night, i finally went to the indie night at the in cahoots club in riverside. kyle's been raving about it for months now and i could never go b/c it's a tuesday night and i always had school the next day. anyway, i thought it was pretty cool/interesting. the main reason i wanted to go was to see the ppl dance. the majority of the ppl weren't dancing all that different from how I'd dance. but they do this dance where you like step and flail your arms about...kyle thinks it's cool in it's own weird way, but...i dunno i can't do it haha. the vibe was totally chill; only a select few low self esteem girls trying to get attention by showing their bras. but bottom line was that it was just a place to have fun. i didn't get the huge feeling that everyone was there to hook up. the music was ok. i danced to a few songs. OH and the cool thing is it's $1 well drinks ALL NIGHT. i didn't drink that much cuz i was driving but you can order like 10 drinks at a time. lol.
3. i tried roscoe's chicken and waffles for the first time ever. we went to the hollywood one last night before watching les miserables at the pantages. it was SO SO good. i got the chicken w/ gravy and onions and 2 waffles. yum yum yum. service was fast, food was good. i give it an A.
4. watched les miserables FINALLY and i loved it. not as good as RENT but it was really good. the cast was very talented, especially the guy that played jean valjean. great night.
anyway, hope everyone is having a great holiday. the mountains are all green now after the rain. love it.
happy new year!

i think i'm addicted to TV. i love it. hehe. so tonight's NYPD blue was really good. i never really watched the show before this season, but it's really good. another show that deserves mentioning is desperate housewives. so good. it's different and quirky. Everwood and ER top off the list of shows i'm loving this season. The ones that I watch that are just "eh" are Joey, the Apprentice, Smallville, Scrubs.
I hate reality shows....and yet why are they so addictive? It's really sad that NBC has only 3 sitcoms on their lineup(joey, WG, scrubs). They have like 3 Law and Orders, and from what I hear are adding another one!! L and O is good, but c'mon! I would to get into "Lost", but it's just too much to watch for me. I will watch the DVD when it comes out. And I'm still waiting for the end of season 6 for Sex and the City.
Do you see how this is problematic for a med student? Damn TV!! I'm just lucky I don't have cable...could you imagine?

i got addicted to ANOTHER show...possibly 2 shows(but i doubt it). I watched the end of Kevin Hill and it was cute, but i doubt i'll watch it. then i watched the encore presentation of the pilot for Desparate Housewives. it was really good. it's just quirky and you kind of just laugh at their lives; but at the same time it's sad cuz none of them are happy. OH and there are 2 pieces of eye candy in there...the lawn boy and the neighbor guy. yum. there's also a mystery tied into the whole story. it starts out with one of their friends killing herself...and the dead friend narrates the show. so i think as the season goes, they are gonna try to piece together why she killed herself. there's something in their backyard, in the pool. the day that the lady killed herself she got a letter saying "i kno what you did. i think it's horrible. i'm gonna tell." and it's interesting that 2 of the actresses who played characters in everwood(as the main dr.'s dead wife--who by the way is the dead friend in this show, which is weird and the main dr's love interest who is HIV+) are in this show. and the writing style is similar(everwood used to have a narration for each show too) and it doesn't take itself too seriously. :)

the BAD thing about that is it's on sundays---before my tests!!! and i also watch american dreams now too. i'll just have to tape them.

so that's my life right now cuz i hate school and so i escape into my boob tube.

ahh wow haven't blogged in a long time. i just thought today was a blog-worthy day. This weekend has been great so far. It started off on thursday night b/c I decided to ditch Friday's classes.

Thursday-took a nice long nap, headed over to sheila's to watch the debate and Joey and W and G. Ate some burger king, popcorn, and had some wine. Then Kyle came over and spent the night. Nice and relaxing.

Friday-Woke up and drove Kyle home so he could work out. I vegged in front of CABLE tV for about an hour and watched the end of Matrix Revolutions/Reloaded? whichever one is the 2nd one. Then we went to the mall to get my car alarm fixed. We ate at Sbarro---which was NOT worth the 16 bucks Kyle paid for 3 slices of pizza, a salad and 2 drinks. boo. The pizza was cold and bleh! Then we stuck it to the man by movie hopping--2 for 1 deal haha. We watched Collateral(8) and Shaun of the Dead(7). Awesome acting by the main characters. Then we ate dinner at Hooters. The wings were YUM...altho I dunno, the hooters girls were a little unsettling. I felt the "feminist" in me cringe....and that's a pretty small feminist. Afterwards we met up with some people at Deer Creek Lanes for some Karaoke. Only sucky people were there, so I actually got up and sang! I sang "when you say nothing at all" by alison krauss(love her). Then I went home and slept.

Saturday-Today, my family from SD and from Glendale came to visit and we ATE AND ATE AND ATE. My God-daughter is SO FRIGGIN CUTE. She can say "ninang" now, which is Godmother in Tagalog...and so she calls my cousin, Novette and I, "ninang." I will try to post a pic of her later on in the week. After everyone left, I went with Kyle to his friend's daughters Christening party. I got to eat some Dippin' Dots! and played poker. I could have won 50 bucks tonight! I was in the top 2 both rounds, but I choked. Boo!!!!! So close. I can get up to the top, just can't finish it off. It's ok. I'm still learning how to play, and it's only gonna get better. :)

Sunday-Tomorrow will be spent RELAXING and then I might go to Temple Bar for my friend's fundraiser.

Song of the moment: Sunday Morning-Maroon 5

which one are you? :P

FINALLY!
Pictures from Europe

finally something blog worthy....i just found out that ralph fiennes is going to play lord voldemort in the 4th harry potter movie. woohoo! good casting. trying not to get too worked up over the movie.

and since i'm here. i moved into my new apartment this past week. i'm finally all moved in so that makes me happy. it feels good to live alone. i start school on monday and then the whirlwind begins. hopefully i do well. i'm uploading my pictures onto shutterfly right now and hope to be done by monday....
out...

here's something i blogged on another page...and it's apretty good, but really short summary of my europe trip:

sorry i haven't blogged. i'm in europe...amsterdam to be exact. yes i went to a coffee house and yes i had a space cake and then some. all in good fun. just wanted to write a quick hello and give greetings from the land where bikes always have right of way above everything including people, where you can go window shopping for women 24 hours/7 days a week and where the MJ is tolerated/legal. here's one interesting part of my tour; last night i watched a live sex show. and that's exactly what it was....it was live, there were people having sex on stage for show. pretty crazy. i watched people on stage having sex; different people....for a whole hour. there were strippers also.

highlights of the trip: white water rafting in austria, staying on top of mount pilatus in switzerland-the view was awesom, Paris-all of it, Italy-all of it, the friendly people in the Netherlands, all the new friends i've made on my tour.

bittersweet things on the trip: laying on the beach in nice at the french riviera...the beach was all rocks; mountain biking through the austrian tyrol...it was raining and cold; the tuscan dinner in florence....the crappiest bathroom i have ever seen was in florence (it was 4 ft by 4 feet and nothing dividing the shower, toilet, sink and bedette)

sucky things on the trip: shnitzel(me no likey), veal sausage(blech), all french food that is bland as all hell, walking an hour to find a crappy place to eat, paying for water, eating bread for breakfast for 21 days and getting irritated at your friends cuz you've been on the road for 21 days.

going home in 2 days!
take care all
i added some stuff. that's all i'm gonna write about my trip cuz man it's too damned long to type it all out and my memory sux. :D

back from europe! i wrote a journal, so whenever i am not busy or lazy, i'll write a little summary about europe...i guess. i'm not promising anything. i will be posting pictures on this one site and i'll put the link up as soon as i'm done.
listening to: all you wanted-michelle branch

i leave for europe today...23 day whirlwind tour of middle to eastern europe. no spain...que lastima. but it'll be my first trip there so i'm lookin forward to it. :)
looking fwd to: meeting new ppl, seeing new sights, buying new things, eating new food.

not looking fwd to: living out of a suitcase, having a limited wardrobe....that's about it.

i don't think i'm gonna say much about the 3rd installment to the Harry Potter movie franchise. i'll do pros and cons.

pros: alfonso cauron(AC) definitely did a great job pulling the characters out of the kids, the cast is awesome--good casting esp. sirius black, peter petigrew. the cinematography was really good and the "new" setting and scenery was somewhat refreshing. added some new scenes esp. the dormitory scene w/ the boys.

cons: it was too short in that there was alot left out in the story. he added some weird stuff for 'comic relief' that just made it cheap--the pink lady and the shrunken head on the knight bus...wtf? it was missing some central aspects of HP history with harry's dad's friends. story was out of order somewhat. i can understand some of the changes...but stuff seemed thrown in--firebolt at the end??? and what about the last shot of harry at the end...seemed gay.

ok that's it...i could rant on about it...but i'm still trying to figure out if i liked it or not. i can't get away from the thought that he left out such huge parts that lead up to the next book and the history that gives the story depth and emotion. *shrug*

let's just say that life is ironic....and i think there is such a thing as karma....

the time is upon us again that we are to be blessed by the next installment of the harry potter movies. i'm really excited about this one because it is the best book out of the series. i'm also worried because i've been hyping it up in my head so much that maybe i will be disappointed and thats' why i'm TRYing to stay grounded.

i signed up for "hello" which allows me to post pictures on my blogsite for free. :) so be on the lookout for pictures.

listening to: thinking bout my ex-janet jackson

random thoughts
1. why is brad pitt so hot even tho he's 40?
2. why does emma watson(hermione) have a crush on brad pitt...a 40 year old man who's probably old enough to be her FATHER!
3. why does money suck so much when you don't have it?
4. what's up with all these sister powerhouses (ashley/jessica simpson, halley(is that her name?) and hilary duff)...are they all just trying to be like the olsens....it's seriously freaky b/c they all sound the same.
5. gee i hope the olsens don't start singing....that would make them 10 times the nightmare they are now!

check out my picture taking skills! 

just got back from SD. had a really good time and it lifted my spirits. it's always great when family steps up and makes you feel better. i spent time with my cousin and went picture happy in coronado cuz i got my new digital camera. it was cool cuz it was totally spontaneous. i woke up monday morning and my cousin called me asking me if i wanted to come down and i was like, "why not?" so i packed up and drove down there with my sister. my cousin made some super nachos---yum! then we ate at a japanese food place and had coffee in downtown SD; watched ever after and you got served(haha so funny and cheesy); went to coronado; took a nap and had coffee. good convo and just good chillin time.
listening to: the corrs-what can i do

omg haha i just saw the funniest video...so glad i was at my cousin's who has cable internet cuz it's 12 MB. click on the link below and then scroll down a couple of blogs on the site and download the video. it's supposed to be set in canada or something.

V-unit for life!

do you ever feel like you're not the best person you could be? i mean i know we're all works in progress, but today was just such a bad day to be christina day. and not in the sense that "oh my life sux" but more like, "i suck." i feel like i'm handling all these aspects of my life in the wrong way. i don't really know whats "wrong" or if anything is truly wrong with my life or with myself. maybe i'm just bored and making drama for myself but sometimes i feel like such a dumbass weak, passive person and/or irrational, confused, needy person. i don't like it. maybe i should just stop beating myself up and just live. i want to go to europe already...just want to escape for a while. i kinda feel like going to the beach all by myself and chill there and people watch. altho i could see it getting really depressing and lonely. haha you can tell i have no school because my blogs aren't about how much i have to study or anything about school....it's just about my life and the way i choose to live it. ah, better go to sleep now and end this weird blah day. thanks for those who offerred a sympathetic ear and supportive words.

g'night all

everyone has issues right? so my issue is fear of rejection from my mother. it's a pretty screwed up situation in my head. like, i'm forced to do things i don't want to do sometimes because i'm afraid that she'll get "mad". it seems like such a silly fear. i hate myself sometimes because of it because i let myself down for my mother's "approval." the thing that bothers me is that this all is blown out of proportion in my head and that my mom and i don't really understand each other and possibly never will. it makes me sad. i don't really know how it got this way, or what i can do to fix it, but i have been trying to be more assertive and trying to communicate better. that is how it is on my end. i don't really know how she's feeling on her end, but at least i hope i'm trying my best. still sad...

wooh what a weekend. it all started thursday....

thursday: dr. jason flores' graduation party
location: 330 in Brea

the red head couldn't go so i went solo. i was a little bit nervous b/c i hadn't seen these people in over a year but i was also excited. when i got there, it looked like the place was closed cuz there wasn't anybody there(this was at 8:30)...but around 930 or 10 a throng of filipino people flooded in. it was a UCR reunion. i saw people i hadn't seen in like 3 or 4 years. the place was cool, small but nice. it had pool tables and the DJ played good music. a good mix of new songs with GOOD old school stuff...old school being from the early 90s hehe. so my evolution peeps and i danced the night away. i only spent 7 bucks cuz 2 people bought me drinks. woohoo! great way to kick off the summer right? it gets better....

friday: dirrty dozen beach birthday(tenli, darla and katie--the summer babies)
location: bolsa chica state beach

...and by babies, i mean babies. these three are the youngest ones in the group and all were turning 23. i was a little worried b/c it was a chilly morning. the red head and his friend mikey aka miles got there at 230...30 minutes after everyone was supposed to get there...and no one was there. so mikey and the red head boogie boarded while i lay out to get warm cuz it was a bit chilly. gracy came first and we ate some of her "pound cake" pastries. then everyone else came with more food, drink and fun. most of the DD were there except for Sheila who was up north. we had a bonfire with s'mores!! katie gave me some pointers on boogie boarding and there was this hard core dude w/ a chainsaw to cut up the wood! AND i didn't even get dark! woohoo!! i got home around 12...and i helped my mom pack til about 2am...woo...hoo. haha

saturday:lisa and anthony's wedding--how can i top that???
Universal City Sheraton Hotel

the morning was spent packing again...this is the first wedding i've been to where i actually know the couple pretty well. lisa is my cousin so i've known them for a while. it was one of the best weddings i have ever been to. the ceremony was great...the songs they picked for the church were songs i would have picked (seek ye first which is a hymn but is sang to canon in D--as she walked in; you are mine, another favorite hymn of mine); her dress was soooo like a dress i would have picked and she looked beautiful. the set up was very simple but it was very classy. the reception was just as perfect. they had it at the sheraton in universal city in the roof/garden room with a view of the city. the video/slideshow, which was done by her brother mark was very well put together and while it would have been cheesy if a professional stranger would have done it, it came off really genuine and sweet. during the father of the bride(FOB)'s speech, i almost started crying...and during the FOB and the bride's dance, i almost started bawlin'. the waterworks were a'flowin' it was open bar w/ wine and beer...which was fine with me, but in addition one of the emcee's brought a bottle of tequilla...and well i took 2 shots and was good for the night. the dancing was cool...the red head, as usual, danced his ass off and blew away my relatives w/ his crazy skills haha and i danced my ass off too. it was great! food was good, music was good, people were good...GOOOD. oh and i met a dr. who practices pediatric ENT in the philippines. i hope to shadow him whenever i go to the phil again. drove home and passed out.

Sunday:Mom leaves for the Philippines
location: LAX and the madness that is the Tom Bradley Terminal

i helped my mom finish up packing. then we drove to LAX where we found out, the carryon luggage has to be at most 20 pounds. my mom's bags topped out at 30 pounds...hmm...how to shed 10 pounds of luggage and still have enough clothes for my mo to wear in the phil. so in line we were trying to figure out what she could salvage. in the end it all worked out. i'm glad my mom is getting a va-k. she'll have a bun0ch of fun. afterwards, my sis and i went to eat at garden cafe in rowland heights. it was a cool sister moment w/ matess. :)

Monday(tomorrow): Farewell Brunch for Sheila and Melissa (it never stops....)
location: BC Cafe

WOOHOO i am now officially a 2nd year medical students. congrats to WesternU's class of 2007 for finishing their first year of medical school. now it's time to PAAAAAARTY!

hmm i guess i'll be going out with confusion on this test. i don't know many things. i hope i can just pass...cross your fingers!

woohoo!! my cousin just called and said we got our itinerary for europe! double woohoo! last test of the year tomorrow and then i'm officially a 2nd year med student! according to jason that means i have received the D for my D.O.(each character equals a year, i.e. by 3rd year i'll have me D.O and the last . i will get 4th year hehe)
triple woohoo party thursday friday and saturday!!

A funny and yet, sadly relatively true account of the plight of "premeds"...
SDN FAQ

hey all...just thought i'd say i had a not so good night. it was frustrating, expensive and anticlimactic. don't go to ivar ever. it's not worth the 20 bucks or the wait.

woohoo woohoo!!! going out to hollywood tonight for the first time in a LONG time. it's almost summer! I can't wait. Happy Birthday to Sheila and Shefali!!!

woohoo i figured out this comment thing. yay

i can't figure out this comments thing...blah

so i added a comments section to the blog. just testing to see if it works....

so i totally did the whole complaining about my bf hanging out with his friends jealousy thing today. it sucked but my feelings were hurt. it just came out of my mouth and after i said it was like ugh you're dumb! so yeah. i just thought it unfair that he said he needed to finish his reading and that's why he can't come over....when he has allll day tomorrow, wed, and thurs to do the reading. but he wants to play bball all day and hang out so he needs to do his work at night. it pisses me off cuz he's just gonna say sorry later. whatever. i don't wanna see him now anyway.
listening to: elaborate lives-aida soundtrack

two studies demonstrate a modest but unmistakable shift toward hedonism between the freshman and junior years of medical school.... students became less concerned with achievement and less intellectually curious and became more impulsive, agressive, and interested in play...students become more self-indulgent, cynical, agressive, and confrontational over the course of medical school.

oh how true that is. :( i'm so there. 2.5 more weeks of school and i'm itching to get out. i can't friggin wait.

so i realized/noticed something today. 3 people on their blogsites said that love actually was not a good movie. one of them said it was one of those it's so bad it's good....and the other 2 just thought it was trash. So I'm like wondering...IS it a bad movie? I enjoyed it very much. yeah it's cheesy and romantic and also sometimes real...so i dunno why the bad reviews. granted, it's only 3 people, but so how come they don't like it? *shrugs* i should really be worrying about my exam on monday...but the way i see it....i'm at an 89 cummulative....there's no way i'm gonna break a 90 with this 1 exam right? i'm lazy.

wow haven't really blogged in a while...like a real blog. Anyway, I'm at home on a Saturday night which is just fine with me. I just finished rewatching Love Actually...jolly good british movie. it's good stuff. has all the emotions built into it and leaves you feeling grateful for the love that you do have in your life.

haha the fly that has been following me just landed on my computer screen and i was flailing my hands about and my sister was like "Ate(sister in Tagalog)?" in a very concerned tone heehe. She musta thought i was crazy....especially since i looked like a crazy woman.

i dunno, i've been up and down lately. going between wish i had more time to spend with family, and wish i had more ambition to do better in school, get involved more. i've learned alot about myself this year....which i guess is good cuz you should constantly be learning about yourself as you grow older. i've learned that i'm impatient....my mouse sensitivity is so high, when i'm on my computer or fixing a computer i'm very quick about everything and i just click away....i want things now. maybe because of that i miss things around me that i should notice. life's a journey not a destination....

i also learned that i am totally the secretary....for the 2 groups that i've been in, both behavioral med and this other group i have been the one to pull out my computer and type away. and i enjoy it. i was watching 13 going on 30 today...jennifer garner is charming in it btw...but she was a magazine editor....i think i would be awesome at that. editing ppl's stuff, organizing pictures and formattting the magazine. so i'm adding that to my dream jobs in case i don't make it through this whole medicine thing.

kyle's been having a streak of bad luck after a streak of good luck that he had one weekend. he got a new job and car....but shortly after that, he learned that there is a postponement in starting the job b/c the city council hadn't voted on it or something....so he's sort of out of work. in addition to that his car has been having tiny things wrong with it and everytime he brings it in, nothing seems to get done. poor thing.

lindsay lohan on snl tonight....i do wish she'd stop wearing so much damned make-up. she's pretty just the way she is. and she needs to fire her hairstylist...me no likey. but i'm still a fan. speaking of....go see mean girls...good stuff.

i'm done rambling now....pendelum swings......

Are you bored and want to be so frustrated that you pull your hair out?
The Crimson Room

i don't have time to blog about much...but throughout the year i have been without a couch. my living room is just that...a room haha with stuff. anyway, so i got a good deal on a couch and a bookshelf...couch=40, bookshelf=25.....not having to sit on the floor=priceless!

grhdsareogfjadoipfdsifdjasadsifaolj;! what is wrong with me/kyle? why do i need so much friggin attention? why is he so grumpy? ok you're sick...but like why are you gonna call me, only to half watch law and order and not listen to anything i say? and you know what therapy and self help books do? they just make you think more and more....and it's like wtf. this one self help book i was reading was making me feel like everything was on me...and in conjunction with that my therapy is all about...you can only change one person...and that's yourself so you have to change the way you react to things. FUCK THAT can ppl just change the way they treat me? i dunno maybe i shouldn't have skipped my session today but i had to take care of some shit. i'll call to reschedule tomorrow. it helps me look at things differently but i'm also stubborn and want my own way. i dunno why i'm so frustrated...it's over a 5 minute conversation that i had nothing to say in. like i don't even want to be around or talk to him when he's grumpy. but then i just feel lonely. whatever. onto another week of school w/ 3 tests coming up. oh the joy of my life these days!!!
listening to: stoned-dido

this weekend sux. i have to study, kyle's in vegas, i am alone and can't even distract myself with anything fun.