so i've once again reverted to my "depressed state". what is that you may ask? well it's a little better than before. i am not crying incessantly, but i am playing that damned spider game again instead of studying. i also can't get up in the morning. i would love to just stay in bed until everything is better again. but nooo nothing will get better if i stay in bed. it will only get worse because i will fail in school and have wasted like 150 grand on it. so not only will i be a depressed fool, i will be a failure haha.

i know it's a waste but i just keep sitting here wishing for things that aren't at all possible. i keep thinking of ways to make it better. i keep wondering when all of this will finally run its course and things will be "normal" again for me; instead of this weird day to day life i lead that is only bearable by distractions such as studying. so basically, if i can master getting my ass up in the morning, find a way to never be in my apartment alone unless i'm eating or watching tv, and figure out how to fall asleep once i hit the bed, then i can be "ok." hmm wonder if that's healthy. prolly not.

i didn't really accomplish my goals for the day. i need to get to bed soon because i'm trying to get up at 7am tomorrow. but i'm not sleepy. so i'll prolly end up crying myself to sleep again. WOOHOO can't wait. tomorrow should be a busy tiring day. class from 8-5, then doing micro for an undisclosed amount of time. then american idol and house. then prolly do a qbank. good night all.