do you ever feel like you're not the best person you could be? i mean i know we're all works in progress, but today was just such a bad day to be christina day. and not in the sense that "oh my life sux" but more like, "i suck." i feel like i'm handling all these aspects of my life in the wrong way. i don't really know whats "wrong" or if anything is truly wrong with my life or with myself. maybe i'm just bored and making drama for myself but sometimes i feel like such a dumbass weak, passive person and/or irrational, confused, needy person. i don't like it. maybe i should just stop beating myself up and just live. i want to go to europe already...just want to escape for a while. i kinda feel like going to the beach all by myself and chill there and people watch. altho i could see it getting really depressing and lonely. haha you can tell i have no school because my blogs aren't about how much i have to study or anything about school....it's just about my life and the way i choose to live it. ah, better go to sleep now and end this weird blah day. thanks for those who offerred a sympathetic ear and supportive words.

g'night all

everyone has issues right? so my issue is fear of rejection from my mother. it's a pretty screwed up situation in my head. like, i'm forced to do things i don't want to do sometimes because i'm afraid that she'll get "mad". it seems like such a silly fear. i hate myself sometimes because of it because i let myself down for my mother's "approval." the thing that bothers me is that this all is blown out of proportion in my head and that my mom and i don't really understand each other and possibly never will. it makes me sad. i don't really know how it got this way, or what i can do to fix it, but i have been trying to be more assertive and trying to communicate better. that is how it is on my end. i don't really know how she's feeling on her end, but at least i hope i'm trying my best. still sad...

wooh what a weekend. it all started thursday....

thursday: dr. jason flores' graduation party
location: 330 in Brea

the red head couldn't go so i went solo. i was a little bit nervous b/c i hadn't seen these people in over a year but i was also excited. when i got there, it looked like the place was closed cuz there wasn't anybody there(this was at 8:30)...but around 930 or 10 a throng of filipino people flooded in. it was a UCR reunion. i saw people i hadn't seen in like 3 or 4 years. the place was cool, small but nice. it had pool tables and the DJ played good music. a good mix of new songs with GOOD old school stuff...old school being from the early 90s hehe. so my evolution peeps and i danced the night away. i only spent 7 bucks cuz 2 people bought me drinks. woohoo! great way to kick off the summer right? it gets better....

friday: dirrty dozen beach birthday(tenli, darla and katie--the summer babies)
location: bolsa chica state beach

...and by babies, i mean babies. these three are the youngest ones in the group and all were turning 23. i was a little worried b/c it was a chilly morning. the red head and his friend mikey aka miles got there at 230...30 minutes after everyone was supposed to get there...and no one was there. so mikey and the red head boogie boarded while i lay out to get warm cuz it was a bit chilly. gracy came first and we ate some of her "pound cake" pastries. then everyone else came with more food, drink and fun. most of the DD were there except for Sheila who was up north. we had a bonfire with s'mores!! katie gave me some pointers on boogie boarding and there was this hard core dude w/ a chainsaw to cut up the wood! AND i didn't even get dark! woohoo!! i got home around 12...and i helped my mom pack til about 2am...woo...hoo. haha

saturday:lisa and anthony's wedding--how can i top that???
Universal City Sheraton Hotel

the morning was spent packing again...this is the first wedding i've been to where i actually know the couple pretty well. lisa is my cousin so i've known them for a while. it was one of the best weddings i have ever been to. the ceremony was great...the songs they picked for the church were songs i would have picked (seek ye first which is a hymn but is sang to canon in D--as she walked in; you are mine, another favorite hymn of mine); her dress was soooo like a dress i would have picked and she looked beautiful. the set up was very simple but it was very classy. the reception was just as perfect. they had it at the sheraton in universal city in the roof/garden room with a view of the city. the video/slideshow, which was done by her brother mark was very well put together and while it would have been cheesy if a professional stranger would have done it, it came off really genuine and sweet. during the father of the bride(FOB)'s speech, i almost started crying...and during the FOB and the bride's dance, i almost started bawlin'. the waterworks were a'flowin' it was open bar w/ wine and beer...which was fine with me, but in addition one of the emcee's brought a bottle of tequilla...and well i took 2 shots and was good for the night. the dancing was cool...the red head, as usual, danced his ass off and blew away my relatives w/ his crazy skills haha and i danced my ass off too. it was great! food was good, music was good, people were good...GOOOD. oh and i met a dr. who practices pediatric ENT in the philippines. i hope to shadow him whenever i go to the phil again. drove home and passed out.

Sunday:Mom leaves for the Philippines
location: LAX and the madness that is the Tom Bradley Terminal

i helped my mom finish up packing. then we drove to LAX where we found out, the carryon luggage has to be at most 20 pounds. my mom's bags topped out at 30 pounds...hmm...how to shed 10 pounds of luggage and still have enough clothes for my mo to wear in the phil. so in line we were trying to figure out what she could salvage. in the end it all worked out. i'm glad my mom is getting a va-k. she'll have a bun0ch of fun. afterwards, my sis and i went to eat at garden cafe in rowland heights. it was a cool sister moment w/ matess. :)

Monday(tomorrow): Farewell Brunch for Sheila and Melissa (it never stops....)
location: BC Cafe

WOOHOO i am now officially a 2nd year medical students. congrats to WesternU's class of 2007 for finishing their first year of medical school. now it's time to PAAAAAARTY!

hmm i guess i'll be going out with confusion on this test. i don't know many things. i hope i can just pass...cross your fingers!

woohoo!! my cousin just called and said we got our itinerary for europe! double woohoo! last test of the year tomorrow and then i'm officially a 2nd year med student! according to jason that means i have received the D for my D.O.(each character equals a year, i.e. by 3rd year i'll have me D.O and the last . i will get 4th year hehe)
triple woohoo party thursday friday and saturday!!

A funny and yet, sadly relatively true account of the plight of "premeds"...
SDN FAQ

hey all...just thought i'd say i had a not so good night. it was frustrating, expensive and anticlimactic. don't go to ivar ever. it's not worth the 20 bucks or the wait.

woohoo woohoo!!! going out to hollywood tonight for the first time in a LONG time. it's almost summer! I can't wait. Happy Birthday to Sheila and Shefali!!!

woohoo i figured out this comment thing. yay

i can't figure out this comments thing...blah

so i added a comments section to the blog. just testing to see if it works....

so i totally did the whole complaining about my bf hanging out with his friends jealousy thing today. it sucked but my feelings were hurt. it just came out of my mouth and after i said it was like ugh you're dumb! so yeah. i just thought it unfair that he said he needed to finish his reading and that's why he can't come over....when he has allll day tomorrow, wed, and thurs to do the reading. but he wants to play bball all day and hang out so he needs to do his work at night. it pisses me off cuz he's just gonna say sorry later. whatever. i don't wanna see him now anyway.
listening to: elaborate lives-aida soundtrack

two studies demonstrate a modest but unmistakable shift toward hedonism between the freshman and junior years of medical school.... students became less concerned with achievement and less intellectually curious and became more impulsive, agressive, and interested in play...students become more self-indulgent, cynical, agressive, and confrontational over the course of medical school.

oh how true that is. :( i'm so there. 2.5 more weeks of school and i'm itching to get out. i can't friggin wait.

so i realized/noticed something today. 3 people on their blogsites said that love actually was not a good movie. one of them said it was one of those it's so bad it's good....and the other 2 just thought it was trash. So I'm like wondering...IS it a bad movie? I enjoyed it very much. yeah it's cheesy and romantic and also sometimes real...so i dunno why the bad reviews. granted, it's only 3 people, but so how come they don't like it? *shrugs* i should really be worrying about my exam on monday...but the way i see it....i'm at an 89 cummulative....there's no way i'm gonna break a 90 with this 1 exam right? i'm lazy.

wow haven't really blogged in a while...like a real blog. Anyway, I'm at home on a Saturday night which is just fine with me. I just finished rewatching Love Actually...jolly good british movie. it's good stuff. has all the emotions built into it and leaves you feeling grateful for the love that you do have in your life.

haha the fly that has been following me just landed on my computer screen and i was flailing my hands about and my sister was like "Ate(sister in Tagalog)?" in a very concerned tone heehe. She musta thought i was crazy....especially since i looked like a crazy woman.

i dunno, i've been up and down lately. going between wish i had more time to spend with family, and wish i had more ambition to do better in school, get involved more. i've learned alot about myself this year....which i guess is good cuz you should constantly be learning about yourself as you grow older. i've learned that i'm impatient....my mouse sensitivity is so high, when i'm on my computer or fixing a computer i'm very quick about everything and i just click away....i want things now. maybe because of that i miss things around me that i should notice. life's a journey not a destination....

i also learned that i am totally the secretary....for the 2 groups that i've been in, both behavioral med and this other group i have been the one to pull out my computer and type away. and i enjoy it. i was watching 13 going on 30 today...jennifer garner is charming in it btw...but she was a magazine editor....i think i would be awesome at that. editing ppl's stuff, organizing pictures and formattting the magazine. so i'm adding that to my dream jobs in case i don't make it through this whole medicine thing.

kyle's been having a streak of bad luck after a streak of good luck that he had one weekend. he got a new job and car....but shortly after that, he learned that there is a postponement in starting the job b/c the city council hadn't voted on it or something....so he's sort of out of work. in addition to that his car has been having tiny things wrong with it and everytime he brings it in, nothing seems to get done. poor thing.

lindsay lohan on snl tonight....i do wish she'd stop wearing so much damned make-up. she's pretty just the way she is. and she needs to fire her hairstylist...me no likey. but i'm still a fan. speaking of....go see mean girls...good stuff.

i'm done rambling now....pendelum swings......