well it's been a few months since i've blogged. lately i've been feeling a bit depressed and feeling like my life is in chaos, but today i realized nothing is going to change if i don't change it. so i am going to try to get my credit in check. my credit score is actually not that bad, but i would like to get rid of my credit debt and keep it off. all that is intertwined with my relationship with my mom. it's hard to communicate with her because most of the time she takes it the wrong way. we use my credit cards for alot of our purchases which isn't good cuz then they get maxed out and my credit score goes down. i would someday like to be able to buy a house and a good car, but i need good credit to do so. so i gotta keep that in check.

as far as my mom goes, since i've moved back we've had a volatile relationship. one day we will be great and in a second we'll be yelling at each other, or i'll be mad/frustrated at something inconsiderate she's done. i kinda wanna have a talk with her to minimize all that, but i'm apprehensive because i don't really know what will become of it. what i really want to tell her is to get off her ass, manage her time well(because she watches way too much tv) and just be considerate. she knows i'm pressed for time and yet she schedules or shall i say doesn't schedule things accordingly like my time isn't important. come to think of it, i don't think i'll have that discussion with her. i can already see it going bad. now, you all might think that i'm just being pessimistic and chickening out, but i'd like to let you all know that i have tried communicating with her on numerous occasions. you can't have an adult conversation with this woman. seriously. i have to find the right time to bring it up. we'll see what happens.

ok after i vented, i see that my life really isn't in chaos, i just feel overwhelmed at times. i'm super anal and want everything to be perfect. and life isn't perfect. the sooner i understand that, the sooner i'll be able to handle life.